Happily Single...

It's tough to avoid that one neighbour when you have no choice but to open the door for the Amazon delivery exec only to find that dratted next-doorer there. Despite being a writer, there are only so many ways you can tell that sneak you aren't interested in a cuckold. Then there's the other type of neighbour I have the misfortune of running into. I call her the 'Jehovah's Witness' of matchmaking. "Excuse me, sir, can I interest you in one of several eligible young ladies residing in the countryside who are ardently seeking a groom in the city? Many of them are my relatives." I am tempted to inform her, "Do you know just how many young ladies my mother had in mind a few years ago? I may be single, but she's the one looking." I should order a custom-poster to stick outside my door: "Beware, 'Happily Single' gentleman living herein. Matrimonial solicitors will be treated like trespassers and hunted at midnight under the cold light of the moon when said gentleman turns into a were-tiger. Blessings upon you, sweet dreams."