Trapped
The following is a piece I wrote a couple of weeks ago when I suffered a CPTSD episode as I woke up in the middle of the night. It’s something a little different but wanted to share it with you.
Trapped
I didn’t realise that I was going to feel restricted.
I didn’t realise that I was going to remember the moments.
The memories of feeling like there was no way out.
No way out. No where to go.
My breathing starts to suffer as I need to gasp for air.
It’s ok. I’m in control. I’m not there.
I try to convince myself that these are just the flashes of thoughts, they will pass, I am no longer in that place.
The place that pulls me down, that makes me scream internally.
The place that is not just one but many.
I didn’t deserve to be stuck, to be frozen, to have no way out.
I take some deep breaths. I take a pace around the room to cool down. Have a glass of water.
Things feel calm but then other memories flash up before my eyes. I’m back in all the places I’ve ever felt trapped.
Forever trapped by the invisible prison I’ve been put in.
© Jennifer Gilmour 2022
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