LEARNING, SHARING, GROWING
So, here’s the thing…I’m tired. There, I said it. The past 3 years have been exhausting and draining, and somehow I feel like I’ve just realized the weight of it (which in and of itself is exhausting and draining). Can one be strong and tired, focused and distracted, and an outgoing introvert all at the same time?! YES!!!! These things are NOT mutually exclusive! Sometimes we have to take a step back, in order to move forward. Take time to reassess, reset. Learn from others, have others learn from you. Many times, our situations aren’t as far apart as they may seem. Actually, I’ve come to realize that we are all much more alike than we know and in sharing, there is growth for all. Case in point…
In 2006, my oldest daughter was starting 6th grade in a small town that we had just moved to. A very friendly town mind you, which unfortunately was not as diverse as has been seen in other areas. We were the only African American family in the neighborhood, and yes, there had been a few questionable situations… Example- being stopped by neighbors on our street, on the way to our house, and being told/asked “hmmmm….we’ve not seen you here before, are you visiting the neighborhood, are you looking for someone?” NOTE: We had lived there 10 years at the time). Even so, we had great friendships with the neighbors in our cul-de-sac, great jobs, and the kids were happy. That was soon to change.
I was on a business trip, and my husband was holding down the home front. I get a call after a day of meetings:
Him: “Honey, are you sitting down?”.
Me: “Why, what’s up. Are the kids ok? Should I fly home? What’s going on?”.
Him: “Honey, calm down!”
NOTE: HOW is it that people don’t understand that when the first things stated are “Honey, are you sitting down?”, there is a possibility that the first thing you will do is STAND STRAIGHT UP?!.
Me: “What’s going on?!”.
Him: “Anna had a situation happen at school today”.
Me: “What situation?” I’m coming home.”
Him: “Anna came home crying. Their substitute decided to show a movie, which used the “n” word, and when that was said, being the only African American in the class, everyone turned around and looked at her. It made her feel…sad.”
My daughters’ feelings just got hurt… UNACCEPTABLE!! He knows EXACTLY where I’m going next… “when is the meeting with the substitute, the principal, the board….”
Him: “It’s scheduled as soon as you get back.” Two days later, we are on our way to the school.
“The movie was on the approved list!” This was the substitute, bless her heart. The name of the movie was “Brother Future”. This was the story of an African American street rapper who, while running from the police, was hit by a car and woke up as a slave on a 19th century plantation. Substitute: “Had I known that Anna was going to be in the class, I would have just had her sit in another room, while we watched the movie.”
My thoughts: “Lord, let her stop speaking now”.
The principal looked embarrassed. “Ms. Turner, we are so sorry that this happened.”
Me: “I am sorry that this happened as well. I am sorry that my daughter felt sad and uncomfortable. I am sorry that a movie with inappropriate language was shown, with no support for the children in the classroom who may feel uncomfortable, not knowing how to respond. I’d like to try to mitigate some of the hurt that has been caused, and provide some understanding.”
Principal: “What do you propose?”
Me: “I’d like to create a permission slip to send to the parents. This permission slip will ask for their permission to have their children watch “Remember the Titans”. This movie includes situations where tensions are high re: race from both African American and Caucasian perspectives. Situations where ultimately both groups learn more about each other, and are able to build a bond and understanding. I would like to stop the movie during these segments, and have class discussion. Talk about how the names, and how the issues made them feel. Ask them if they have any questions about the words that were used and why they were hurtful.”
The principal agreed. I created the permission slip, and every parent agreed to have their child participate. This was an incredible session. At first, there were sheepish looks, not knowing what to do or say next. I asked them questions, they started answering, they started asking questions, ALL began to talk amongst each other. That day, in that room, there was just a little bit more understanding.
This session was the first of its kind, and shortly after, the school system initiated a diversity program across the district. On this day, a difference was made, information was shared, information was later applied, and yes…I think a few lessons learned.
Two more of our children went through that school. I don’t remember another incident like this occurring. I do however, remember the sense of relief shown, when kids could ask questions in a safe environment, get an honest and direct answer, and know that for this sliver in time, we were all learning, growing, and much more alike than we knew.
And thus endeth the lesson...
Lessons Learned: Short Stories of Continuity and Resilience
In 2006, my oldest daughter was starting 6th grade in a small town that we had just moved to. A very friendly town mind you, which unfortunately was not as diverse as has been seen in other areas. We were the only African American family in the neighborhood, and yes, there had been a few questionable situations… Example- being stopped by neighbors on our street, on the way to our house, and being told/asked “hmmmm….we’ve not seen you here before, are you visiting the neighborhood, are you looking for someone?” NOTE: We had lived there 10 years at the time). Even so, we had great friendships with the neighbors in our cul-de-sac, great jobs, and the kids were happy. That was soon to change.
I was on a business trip, and my husband was holding down the home front. I get a call after a day of meetings:
Him: “Honey, are you sitting down?”.
Me: “Why, what’s up. Are the kids ok? Should I fly home? What’s going on?”.
Him: “Honey, calm down!”
NOTE: HOW is it that people don’t understand that when the first things stated are “Honey, are you sitting down?”, there is a possibility that the first thing you will do is STAND STRAIGHT UP?!.
Me: “What’s going on?!”.
Him: “Anna had a situation happen at school today”.
Me: “What situation?” I’m coming home.”
Him: “Anna came home crying. Their substitute decided to show a movie, which used the “n” word, and when that was said, being the only African American in the class, everyone turned around and looked at her. It made her feel…sad.”
My daughters’ feelings just got hurt… UNACCEPTABLE!! He knows EXACTLY where I’m going next… “when is the meeting with the substitute, the principal, the board….”
Him: “It’s scheduled as soon as you get back.” Two days later, we are on our way to the school.
“The movie was on the approved list!” This was the substitute, bless her heart. The name of the movie was “Brother Future”. This was the story of an African American street rapper who, while running from the police, was hit by a car and woke up as a slave on a 19th century plantation. Substitute: “Had I known that Anna was going to be in the class, I would have just had her sit in another room, while we watched the movie.”
My thoughts: “Lord, let her stop speaking now”.
The principal looked embarrassed. “Ms. Turner, we are so sorry that this happened.”
Me: “I am sorry that this happened as well. I am sorry that my daughter felt sad and uncomfortable. I am sorry that a movie with inappropriate language was shown, with no support for the children in the classroom who may feel uncomfortable, not knowing how to respond. I’d like to try to mitigate some of the hurt that has been caused, and provide some understanding.”
Principal: “What do you propose?”
Me: “I’d like to create a permission slip to send to the parents. This permission slip will ask for their permission to have their children watch “Remember the Titans”. This movie includes situations where tensions are high re: race from both African American and Caucasian perspectives. Situations where ultimately both groups learn more about each other, and are able to build a bond and understanding. I would like to stop the movie during these segments, and have class discussion. Talk about how the names, and how the issues made them feel. Ask them if they have any questions about the words that were used and why they were hurtful.”
The principal agreed. I created the permission slip, and every parent agreed to have their child participate. This was an incredible session. At first, there were sheepish looks, not knowing what to do or say next. I asked them questions, they started answering, they started asking questions, ALL began to talk amongst each other. That day, in that room, there was just a little bit more understanding.
This session was the first of its kind, and shortly after, the school system initiated a diversity program across the district. On this day, a difference was made, information was shared, information was later applied, and yes…I think a few lessons learned.
Two more of our children went through that school. I don’t remember another incident like this occurring. I do however, remember the sense of relief shown, when kids could ask questions in a safe environment, get an honest and direct answer, and know that for this sliver in time, we were all learning, growing, and much more alike than we knew.
And thus endeth the lesson...
Lessons Learned: Short Stories of Continuity and Resilience
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