That’s it. I’ve had enough.

It is fair to say that we’re both feeling our age. I was under the weather as soon as we got back from France, to the extent that I took an LFT. C followed me on a couple of days later. So she took a test. Both were clear. And then I took another test yesterday as I was still feeling a bit mis, and C’s mood has improved but not by much. The view is that ‘if you’ve got cold symptoms you’ve probably got covid’ hasn’t been backed up by our tests and it’s accurate to say that we have managed our run and walk regime, although C’s head is still not straight … a sort of perpetual brain fog which is one of the current lurgy’s symptoms. Oh well. If this is as bad as it’s going to get.

i am a man of routine

But with that and my upcoming 60th birthday I made a bit of a pledge. I’m three careers down: army, teaching and now writer (and some consultancy). All three I’ve tried my best at, with the latter proving to be a lot of fun but without major reward. In terms of current commitment, I have this biography to pen for my army pal over the next 12 months, and book 8 in the Sam Green series to publish this summer. The old me would look at all that – and I know I’ve rehearsed this argument with you a number of times – I would still be unconvinced that I’m contributing enough. It is the self worth question … again.

However … deep breath … I am 60 tomorrow. And I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not a bad age to say, ‘do you know what? I’m actually retiring.’ That doesn’t mean I won’t write. It doesn’t mean I won’t pen this book for my army pal. It also won’t mean that I won’t do some leadership consultancy if the conditions are right. What it does mean – and I am trying to be very certain about this – I am going to stop worrying about whether or not I should be making more of my life. I am going to help people. Of course I am. And I am going to write another book, or two. Because I enjoy that. But I’m going to banish the introspection. I am retiring. Tomorrow. That’s me done.

Looking spanky …

In that vein we have done lots of non-work work. I’ve finished edit one of book 8 (still no title). I’ve almost finished my read through with C. She’s a v good verbal editor; it just requires a lot of concentration. I will then crack on with edit two before I dispatch the draft to my beta readers, hopefully at the end of April. Whilst C has been degunging all our gear post skiing I have cleaned Doris, including her roof, resealed the rear roof light (which has crazed even more – the roof light will need replacing in due course), tidied the garage, arranged some interviews for my non-fiction book, sorted the garden, checked the levels on the Focus, and cleaned Doris’s seats.

In addition we went to see Jen and James on Friday. They’re in good form. Their downstairs, which has been knocked through, still needs completing and I spent some time with James helping him sort their kitchen which had arrived flat packed. They hope it’ll all be complete in the next couple of months.

might need a new roof light soon

And we’re looking forward to a walk in the Black Mountains tomorrow – my birthday and mother’s day. As you know, Mrs Sun has been all over us like a rash recently and it’s going to stay that way for a couple of days. I’ve picked a hill we’ve not done before. Much of the Beacons will be busy, but hopefully not the hill I’ve chosen.

We’ve got a funeral to go to on Friday (an aunt, bless her) and then we’re off to see R&C the following weekend. Doubtless the time will be filled with thing. But it’s not going to be filled with that deep-down dread that I should be doing more. I’m 60, after all.

Stay safe everyone.