my poor friend me

I’m getting ready to head out of the house and do my adulting for the day.

I have this mix of Pennywise, Bad Religion, Lagwagon, Social Distortion, and their contemporaries playing way louder than usual, all over the house, as I am the only one home.

I get dressed like I always do. I put on a pair of Volcom pants, a Bauhaus T-shirt, and my Converse.

Then, when it’s time to transform my bedhead into not that, I look up and see this old man looking back at me in the mirror.

And let me tell you, it’s kind of a lot to see and feel that. In my head, all morning, I’ve been a wiser, calmer, more confident and happier version of the person I was in my 20s; just a guy eating cereal, drinking coffee, surrounded by second wave punk.

I got so lost in that place, it was like a bucket of cold water when I saw … myself … almost 50 … just looking back at me. Like, “What’s up dude. I’m you.” Grey all through my beard, lines in my face, bags under my eyes even though I slept perfectly last night.

And I saw this look on my face, real quick, before I knew what was happening. It was this knowing look from me, who is almost 50, reminding me, who forgot he was almost 50, that, yes, you are almost 50, Wil. It’s so weird, this disconnect between my physical, chronological aging, and the way I feel inside of a body that’s probably about halfway through its existence on this planet.

Bad Religion still fucking slams, though.

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Published on March 25, 2022 14:41
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message 1: by Anne (new)

Anne S Will, I can relate. I'm 60 now and still think that I'm about 35-(and it freaks me out when I look in a mirror and go--when did that happen)-but if I had stayed 35, I'd have a 3 year old and another one on the way, and I am so glad that I'm 60 and my girls have grown up and they're great women! As I age, I am getting better than I was in my 20s and 30s and so very happy to be here now! take care my friend, you are aging well also!


message 2: by Robert (last edited Mar 27, 2022 07:33PM) (new)

Robert Age is a number. You control what you control. I don't know if you'll ever read this, but from my own perspective, when I was a teen, I thought I didn' tlook fit enough. When I was in college and in the army--the same....Do I measure up, do I not measure up---time is passing and its taking its toll on me. (realize that I was powerlifting, running 5-7 miles a day as well as doing alot of other stuff)

Now in my late 50's I'm realizing that I was wrong back then and made alot of mistakes thinking the way you do. Time passes for us all and you just need to realize that as each day passes you change. For the better or worse is up to you.


message 3: by Wesley (new)

Wesley Powell I'm a little closer to 40 than 50, but I feel you. I listen to Less than Jake and Blink 182, wear Vans and t-shirts, read comic books and play video games. I 'm basically a 16 year old with expendable income.


message 4: by Lisa (new)

Lisa Macklem My mom used to feel like this, but I never have. I'll be 60 this year and still feel closer to 17 - but my actual face never startles me, just the number. Maybe I'm not actually seeing myself? Sometimes I think I'm invisible - because I know no one else sees me at all. But that's a different story... I find anyone under 35 at a concert really annoying but great music is great music


message 5: by Lindyb (new)

Lindyb I'm 66 and many days I'm tempted to be disgusted at the whole miserable deal of aging when I'm startled to see a goblin instead of that adorable little blonde in the mirror (who once had 7 guys at the same time asking her out all those years ago in high school), but I've started doing this asinine-looking thing that's turned that regret about the used-to-be's around.

Every day, and I mean every day, I look at the mirror, and instead of a goblin, choose to see an amazing little miracle looking back, then I smile at her, remembering all she's come through in her challenging, incredible life and say "Hello, beautiful!"

Everyone is gorgeous when they smile because that's when the lovelies show.

When I see you, Wil, I see a friend I haven't met yet and that guy is pretty wonderful...even if one or two of his music choices are kinda shitty.


message 6: by Maria (new)

Maria Mar Hi Will,

I am a Latina and for me; turning into age 27 was brutal. Married almost the first creep who asked me. All that stuff about eggs and babies and a home versus career was horrible. In the 80's that was my mindset. Annulment and making more cash than the creep was another brutality upon my soul. The Catholic Church principals completed my misery. For various reasons. A miracle that my earthly body survived.

On to my 50's. I documented with my apple phone the aging, once pretty face. Thought I was doomed because of my changing decrepit face and mind. What saved me from constant melancholy was my man; my wondrous beautiful man with a heart of gold. He is still with me and he always will be in some form or another. When we met so many years ago; we both new. We will always be together; breathing good life into each other. mm


message 7: by Maria (new)

Maria Mar Believe it or not in the time of The Ukraine; that was healing to write. So, thank you.


message 8: by John (new)

John So I am now 63... what really gets me is that I saw you in "Stand By Me" and SNG... and I thought it was cool that there was someone younger than me involved in those projects. I was at a funeral for the mother/grandmother of close friends last night. She was 91 and was an absolutely joy to be around. Two of the "kids" - who I babysat - were there with their kids! My friend and her brother and 4 others of our group reminisced about the wonderful times "then." Now... we are THEM... we are fast becoming that older generation. Way... too... fast...


message 9: by ExtraGravy (new)

ExtraGravy I turned 50 a few months ago. Made me reflect more than any other age has so far.


message 10: by TLS (new)

TLS I can really relate to this. The past couple of weeks I’ve noticed being sore at times for no reason, that I can’t do some of the things I used to. I’m really feeling my age and I work with kids (technically, young adults) that don’t even know what a disk drive is. At times, I get frustrated because so much didn’t turn out like I’d thought it would when I was young; it’s easy to forget the good things.


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