The Fiver | Lampard and the glazed expression of confused impotence at Everton

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We’ll be honest with you: The Fiver went big on the struggles of Everton last week because we thought we’d get our trademark cheap digs in while the going was good. After all, they’d surely pick up six points from their matches in the Goodison cauldron against Wolves and Newcastle, whereupon any notions of impending relegation would become fanciful and the chance to riff, bebop and scat on Frank Lampard’s pain would be gone. The mental gymnastics we have to perform, eh, readers? We go to these extra lengths just for you. You deserve it. Nil Satis Nisi Optimum, right?

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