Why R Is For Respect (an essay)
An Autistic Perspective
by Corinne Morier
There is no “right way” or “right time” to use the r-word to describe anything. The r-word I am referring to here is, of course, the word “retard” or “retarded.” The r-word is hurtful and paints neurodiverse people as “other” or as “less than” human. We’ve had to fight this stigma since the dawn of time, so that we could be seen as humans, too. If it’s used in the presence of members of our community, or in the presence of our family members or loved ones, it’s disparaging and hurtful. And even if it’s not used around anyone who will be affected by it personally, the usage alone helps to normalize the casual nature with which neurotypicals throw this word around. The r-word contains too much baggage to be “just a word.” Opponents of movements such as Spread the Word say that “it’s too much tone policing” or “everything is a slur now.” But all we want is to be treated with respect, and to be viewed as equally valuable and worthwhile members of society as nondisabled people.
I’ve broken up with friends over the use of this word. One friend casually referred to someone else on Facebook using this word. Another posted a video on her Facebook wall of a comedian using this word in a casual manner. Neither of these friends were using this word to refer to me, or to members of the autistic/disabled community, but we were being used as the punchline for the joke. When I expressed how hurt I was by this and how it made me feel like they were dehumanizing me, my words fell on unhearing ears, and we ended up parting ways. To me, the r-word means dehumanization. I can’t help that I was born autistic. I never chose it. And when I hear the r-word being used, I am constantly reminded of how society views people like me as lesser than human, as not deserving of love and respect. “You don’t want to be like them,” is what it means. Recently, I’ve also begun to have PTSD-induced meltdowns upon hearing or reading this word, and it’s now a trigger for me.
Even if someone is different, they still deserve to be loved and accepted. And until the r-word is recognized for the slur that it is, disabled people will not truly be accepted into society or seen as fully human.
Further Resources for More Learning
R Is for Respect: Youtube video by autistic creator Stephanie Bethany about the r-word and why it’s hurtful
#WhatDoWeTelltheKids: Adults with intellectual disabilities weigh in on their experiences with bullying in school and offer opinions about what the r-word means to them
#NoGoodWay to use the R-word: Actress with Down syndrome reacts to being called the r-word on social media
The R Word: Intellectually disabled man speaks on what the r-word means to him
Actress Jamie Brewer Won’t Stop Fighting the “R” Word: Actress with Down syndrome speaks about her fight to end the r-word and her success in lobbying lawmakers to change state documents in Texas
Have you been ableist and not known? Disabled creator Disabled Eliza speaks about ten common ableist sayings and why they’re so harmful
The Use of the R-Word and Why It’s a Problem: Boston University SPED student reflects on the use of the r-word on her campus
The Use of the R-Word and Why It’s a Problem
