Leave a Legacy Ahead through 12 Signature Songs
Gwen left me the gift of one of the most powerful exercises I have experienced in my career — taking ALL the music that matters most and curating it down to only twelve pieces.
Perhaps even more telling than what you do select may be the music you choose not to include in your top twelve — that will open up even deeper insights into who you are and what you value. The act of building such a specialized playlist can bring forth some new clues about what music means to you that you may not have considered yet.
It may be my age, and it most certainly have been the time of uncertainty I continue to find myself in, but I have certainly been experiencing a higher level of reflection in my life. Perhaps I’m even looking for opportunities to reflect? As much as I continue to explore new music introduced to me by my clients or my children, I have definitely become one of “those people” — the ones who listen to “oldies music” like my mom used to do. The familiar music from my past, sometimes the very distant past, reminds me of the young person I once was. There have been many times when I have wanted to reach back in time and be able to tell my younger self, “everything is going to be okay.”
For many of us, our personal soundtrack in our later adult years becomes more than just a memory — it can become our legacy, for others to remember us by.
When I was introduced to Gwen, she was sitting her hospice bed wearing a colorful headscarf that covered what had once been a head full of shiny blond hair. Pictures of her and her family were all around the room, interspersed with bright paintings and drawings. She asked if I would be able to return to her room on Friday to sing the songs she had written down on the piece of paper she shared with me. I nodded as I read through the playlist.
That Friday when I arrived, Gwen’s daughter and sister were already there, seated on either side of her. “Thank you for coming,” she said to everyone in the room as she gestured for me to sit on a chair in the corner.
“I invited you here today because we need to say goodbye.” Silence. “I know that this is hard for you as it is for me, so I came up with an idea that could perhaps help all of us. Hailey, will you please go into the side closet and take out the piece of canvas I asked Julia to bring last week?” Hailey walked over to the closet, opened the door, and brought out the canvas leaning against the wall inside. “Julia will you please reach into that top drawer and bring out the pastels that one of the nurses brought for me?” Julia walked to the end of the bed and opened the top drawer to find the pastels. There were many colors.
When the two women were once again seated on either side of Gwen, she continued to speak. “I have asked Jennifer to play twelve songs today. During the first song, I am going to start drawing, and when the song ends, I am going to pass the canvas to you, Julia, and you are going to continue the picture, adding in whatever the music brings to your mind.
“When the second song is finished, you will pass the canvas to Hailey, who is going to continue from where you left off. We will pass the canvas back and forth after every song.”
Soon it was time for the last song. I was nervous as I strummed the first few chords, knowing there would be no more pastels or passing of the canvas, only time to reflect on what had been created. As the last piece, Gwen had selected “What a Wonderful World,” the highly emotional song famously performed by Louis Armstrong, and on this day, the images it called to mind were perfectly reflected.
Gwen put a few finishing strokes on the canvas and then held it up for each of them to look at. They had had created a painting of a beautiful meadow with flowers of many colors. Six weeks later the image would be screened onto a CD cover and the twelve songs would be shared with every person who attended her funeral. Gwen’s Signature Twelve.
I carefully put the canvas on a high shelf facing down toward them so the women could see it as it dried. Then I quietly left the room so they could continue their goodbye.
Gwen had set the intention of using her life’s musical soundtrack as the backdrop to already powerful relationships. It was a non-verbal means of sharing herself and her heart to help her loved ones heal, and the songs she had so carefully selected allowed her to say a touching goodbye.
Music is very personal and can do a lot of heavy lifting, emotionally. It can give us that hug when we need it the most. Remember that the closer we get to our music, the clearer our vision will become. I can’t think of a better way of hastening this process than by reviewing your life’s soundtrack and taking it that extra step — curate your Signature Twelve.
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