I have nothing, WH

My dears,It was an eventful day. Venturing into nothing. Just thinking, reading emails and wondering, how’s it going to look. My middle name on a book?
Actually it was weird. It’s going to take getting use to.
I haven’t told my husband.
Imagine that

I think it would be a freedom that I would hope. As it’s very complicated this writing business. I do appropriate Children’s books but my novels are headed in a different direction, obviously I don’t really consider myself a grand novelist. Non.Today I stumbled upon the novel section at a book store, and I saw Hillderbrand had her own shelf.
I held one of her books and realized that this writing book situation is a calling. Meaning? well it’s like being a doctor.If you become one, I’d hope it’s to save lives. So not to much for the eliteness that most mentally conceive.
Same, as a writer, your stories choose you. Some make millions, and sell massive copies, whilst others are like stale baguettes. I am not in the business of evaluating my own portfolio.I think it’s because I am so blessed that I don’t need to sell a copy. Again I’m glad that my privileges allow me a hobby as such. But there are a lot of writers that starve their way through the course of becoming well known. That only means, you shall be paid. Being paid is important in life, as how on earth shall you survive? I lived my success story in my early 20’s. Though I was ever so unhappy, I was living a dream. So this part is all about my fulfillment. I am writing books to fulfill me. And call me delirious but I feel so strongly today, more than ever, if my stories want to be read or become a part of the literary world, then it will.
If not, I sit by the walk way like you all.
I said the most humbling thing today. I said to my husband, I cannot write a story to sell. I can only write it to be profoundly felt. Or I shall never write it.
So to you my readers, be patient. I’m in my forties. I know, I always hear, oh. Gee you don’t look it but for what it’s worth, I feel 91 mentally. But I get it with the fleeting of age all the time, but this face of mine, is not used to sell. I figure that writing books takes a different level of Maturity, wisdom Et pain.
And from one humbled human to another,

perfect the art of listening. Listen to your heart. Listen to the wind in the trees. Listen to that discomfort in the waves of your very inner self. And if you are abouts to get the deal you waited for your whole life, and it doesn’t feel right.

walk away.

I told my husband today that if someone I looked up to, a specific name, wanted to take all of my books, I would reject them. Because I feel like i am not ready to part with my books. As I feel like they are not ready to be read.

Trust yourself and work. As hard as you can. Because all of our felllow writers had to bare their cross to have become, like dearest Hem, Aristot, Leo T,

Fyodor Dostoevsky, Twain, Dickens Etmy enormously doleful friend, Shakespeare. Golly his tale is as sad as my social life. I kid not. I should be traveling the world in jet smarter, like Sophie B.

This was good talk, non?

I have to literally force myself to write, or read, or focus.
Moving on to private publication #18.

Yours,