A Tumor and Joining the Ukrainian Army

 It’s a good thing Sky is here—making this fun. Some of the scan results from yesterday are in, and unfortunately I have a new tumor in my femur. Why I’ve turned into a tumor factory is STILL a mystery to me. Plus, I’m a little tired of bad news that leads to radiation. Honestly…radiation is THE WORST.

“That’s it,” I told Sky. “I’m joining the Ukrainian army.”

She blinked, knowing that I’m half joking. “You have cancer. They won’t want you fighting for them.”

I gasped. “Sky!” Then I whispered, “I’ve heard they’re paying $3,300 a month for foreign help—any kind of foreign help.”

“Mom, if it were trench warfare you’d unload one clip and need to take a nap. You couldn’t even get out of the trench!” Then, because we have a ridiculous sense of humor, she broke out laughing like she’d never—ever—stop. 

I stared at her. “Well, it would suck to carry a gun ‘and’ walk more than a quarter of a mile. Fine. I’ll take my chances with radiation.”

A patient coordinator walked by during this conversation—which had made my infusion a little more interesting. I flagged him down. “Excuse me. We have a problem,” I said, deciding to tease Sky because of her sassiness. “My daughter is cheating at cards. Isn’t it enough that I have cancer, and now she’s cheating?”

“You want me to call security?” He winked, and I knew he smiled wide under the mask.

“Mama! You’re winning by 50 points! If I’m cheating that’s really sad!” Then she turned to the man. “And if I did cheat, no one would know because I’m so good at slight-of-hand!”

That made me giggle, especially later, since several people stopped by to razz Sky about cheating while her “poor mother” should be allowed to win.

So, today has been eventful: I got a new tumor, I won at cards, I can’t join the Ukrainian army, and I almost met the security guards at the cancer center. 

Sometimes this feels like a rollercoaster that won’t stop. I’m just glad my family makes the ride fun and that we’re enjoying every second we have.

Sky took this picture (below), right after I accused her of cheating at cards.