Optimysticism

©2022 Juliet Altmann

I’m happy, are you happy?

Are you smiling yet?

You said something was wrong but I seemed to forget,

I told you to be optimistic, I really insisted,

So tell me, are you doing it?

Are you switching things up?

Are you being proactive?

Meditating, resting, and getting active?

You really have power over how you feel,

If you’d stop moping around you’d see that it’s real!

•••

I’m trying, I’m trying

Why can’t you see?

Maybe it isn’t so easy for me.

Maybe I am making changes,

And doing my best,

But I’m not acting “healed” so you can’t see it yet.

How could you tell me to just pick my chin up?

You don’t know what I’ve been through, it was really messed up.

Seems like you’re blaming me, seems kind of twisted,

And you have the nerve to call it optimistic

•••

For a very long time, I was very sad.

I wanted to end it, to leave here, real bad.

I didn’t have anyone to pick me up then.

So positive affirmations became my best friends.

I remind myself of the power of perspective by saying — be positive,

And even when it’s really hard I try to muster up a grin.

I tell myself to be grateful for all that I have,

Counting those things to be grateful for gives me hope when I’m sad.

I struggle with intrusive thoughts and feelings from time to time.

I’ve done a lot of inner work.

It’s taught me that healing is no straight line.

I still would like to enjoy life despite my flawed design.

I remind myself to be optimistic because it helps me find my mind.

•••

That’s very interesting,

I think I understand.

Though we are at different parts of different journeys,

I do appreciate your outstretched hand.

I cannot yet perceive how the power of positivity could be real for me,

But when I’m at that part of the process.

Perhaps I’ll see what you mean.

Right now I’m in the feeling stage.

I can’t afford to skip it.

It’s a critical integration time.

Honoring my feelings heals my spirit.

I’m holding space for myself, I’m taking my time to just be,

But I’m grateful that should the time come,

Optimism will be there for me.

©2022 Juliet Altmann

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Optimysticism was originally published in CRY Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.