Freedom From Regret

Although the decision to push pause on my career took place in the past, every day feels like a crossroads. A choice I must make anew every morning as little hands reach for me and I yawn against too little sleep. A choice I encounter as I go through the rhythms of stirring oatmeal and slicing strawberries. A choice I face when I chafe under loneliness and miss the challenges of my job. Contentment, meaning, identity wrapped up in a question without answer. Is this where I’m supposed to be?   I remember being a high school student when my future was a list of occupations on a whiteboard—French teacher, journalist, history professor, pharmacist. And now, at nearly thirty, my pharmacy doctorate is a piece of paper in a drawer. I plan meals, order groceries, vacuum, wash clothes, write, and play in an unchanging cycle of necessity. I finish one week to start another that looks just like it. And I wonder, was this the right choice?  But truthfully, the pursuit of personal happiness and self-fulfillment as supreme ends is a modern, first world luxury. Tomorrow in Kenya, thousands of women will awake while it is still night and trek miles […]

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