On unbelievable blessings and being humbled.

Miracle Maddie

Maddie Girl’s been doing a lot of resting since returning home from Mexico after a successful stem cell procedure. We should start seeing gains from that procedure in another week, on February 28th to be exact, which is also one year since her accident. Missy’s talked about celebrating that day as a kind of second birthday to emphasize the incredible miracle that Maddie is still here. And not only that, but she’s still fighting and getting a little better every single day.

I’m trying not to be sad and follow my sister’s example, but it’s difficult. I go from devastation to anger to optimism and then repeat the cycle. I miss Maddie and it’s awful to grieve someone who’s sitting in the same room. There’s been so much uncertainty in the last year, and there still is, and it’s exhausting. I am so thankful for the patient compassion of so many of our loved ones to weather this storm with us. It’s best to focus on love; it’s the only thing that’ll get any of us through this.

 

Ireland

I can walk around Limerick with my mouth wide open, just staring up at the buildings and being completely overwhelmed by the blessing it is to live and learn here. At random moments, I’ll just have to get really quiet and remind myself that this is all real.

One of our guest lecturers was Roisin Meaney. She gave a wonderful lecture on her career and approach to the writing process. She started writing in 2001 and her 20th book is being released in June. I took so many notes while she so graciously spent time with us, but here are some of my most important takeaways:

Roisin doesn’t read the kind of books she writes–she reads books she would never be able to write and she reads books above her level. I always worry I don’t read enough of the genre I try to publish in, so it was refreshing to hear reading any good writing is also an effective tool to becoming a better writer.Beta readers may be more trouble than they’re worth. I remember having some trouble in finding Beta readers–readers who read your work-in-progress and give you feedback in a kind of real-time scenario. I’m discovering a lot of writers just use a first-reader; a trusted someone who reads a completed draft of the manuscript. Involving a Beta reader can diminish an author’s intuition and the focus can shift from story to that particular reader.ALWAYS BE WRITING. Think of a new story while one is wrapping up. Besides, “you’re only as good as your last book.”Plot can come from experiencing a new location, so it’s good to travel and write in new spaces.When she does have to do research (which is usually minimal), she prefers to do so through interviews. I LOVE this idea. Writing can be isolating, so reaching out and making connections is a great idea and people are usually excited to talk about their areas of expertise and passion.TRUST YOURSELF! HAVE CONFIDENCE!She sets herself a monthly target and sticks to it to be productive. On a good day of writing, she’ll write between 1,000-1,500 words. But some of the “writing” could be editing what was put down the day before. It was wonderfully validating to hear her describe the writing process as “one step forward, two steps back” because I’ve felt that way so many times.Be a part of a writing community. I’ve thought many, many times about starting a writing group and Roisin’s talk convinced me to finally do it.Writing

I’m up for workshop this week. I AGONIZED over my piece. My classmates have all improved their craft so much and the bar has been set incredibly high this semester. The fact that Donal Ryan is my workshop leader this semester adds to the pressure; his writing is just gorgeous and All We Shall Know is one of my favorite novels. The idea of sending him something to read and provide feedback on paralyzed me. I was struck full-force by impostor syndrome and deleted everything I wrote from my first attempt.

The next day, I was hunched over my laptop for hours, sucking down tea and trying to come up with something. I called Mom and sent her a completed draft around dinner time. She got back to me quickly and told me she thought it was very, very good. I felt better. Mom is my first-reader, and I trust her implicitly, but I also worried she was being nice because she knew I was spiraling. I did a little bit of editing and sent it off to another trusted friend and when she was equally as pleased, I knew I’d read it over one more time and then finally send it to my workshop group and Donal. I sent it with hours to spare.

I wanted to forget about it and ignore the impending sense of doom assaulting me. But when I walked into a lecture with Dr. Emily Cullen (brilliant and engaging and so happy she’s at UL while I am), Donal was there and I just wanted to be inconspicuous. So naturally, I opened my bottle of sparkling water and it sprayed all over my lap so it looked like I pissed myself in front of a literary giant, the very same brilliant writer charged with reading my scribbling.

I’ll let you know how it goes. Say a prayer.

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