Book Review — Unmasked: My Life Solving America’s Cold Cases by Paul Holes
I order another bourbon, neat. This is the drink that will flip the switch. I don’t even know how I got here, to this place, to this point. Something is happening to me lately. I’m drinking too much. My sheets are soaking wet when I wake up from nightmares of decaying corpses. I order another drink and swig it, trying to forget about the latest case I can’t shake.
Crime-solving for me is more complex than the challenge of the hunt, or the process of piecing together a scientific puzzle. The thought of good people suffering drives me, for better or worse, to the point of obsession.
People always ask how I am able to detach from the horrors of my work. Part of it is an innate capacity to compartmentalize; the rest is experience and exposure, and I’ve had plenty of both. But I had always taken pride in the fact that I can keep my feelings locked up to get the job done. It’s only been recently that it feels like all that suppressed darkness is beginning to seep out.
When I look back at my long career, there is a lot I am proud of. I have caught some of the most notorious killers of the twenty-first century and brought justice and closure for their victims and families. I want to tell you about a lifetime solving these cold cases, from Laci Peterson to Jaycee Dugard to the Pittsburg homicides to, yes, my twenty-year-long hunt for the Golden State Killer.
But a deeper question eats at me as I ask myself, at what cost? I have sacrificed relationships, joy—even fatherhood—because the pursuit of evil always came first. Did I make the right choice? It’s something I grapple with every day. Yet as I stand in the spot where a young girl took her last breath, as I look into the eyes of her family, I know that, for me, there has never been a choice. “I don’t know if I can solve your case,” I whisper. “But I promise I will do my best.”
It is a promise I know I can keep.
Release Date: April 26, 2022
My ThoughtsUnmasked is a fascinating blend of memoir and true crime, from the man who solved some of the most well known cold cases, including the decades-long hunt for The Golden State Killer.
The writing is conversational, like we’re sitting down with Paul Holes as he tells us his story. While most of the crimes are brutal, the content isn’t especially graphic. The focus is mostly on the victims, their families, and the toll murder takes on everyone involved—including the cops.
Reading this made me think about the fine line between diligence and obsession. Holes chased cold cases at the expense of his family, neglecting two wives and all four of his children throughout his career. If you’re familiar with Michelle McNamara’s story, the true crime writer who died while obsessively chasing down leads regarding The Golden State Killer, then you’ll have insight into Paul Holes’ personality type. He and Michelle were friends of sorts, sharing information and an obsession.
This book left me feeling melancholy. While I have immense respect for Paul Holes’ determination to solve cold cases and stop killers, I can’t help but feel that these killers all claimed Holes as yet another of their victims, using emotional destruction instead of murder.
*I received an ARC from Celadon Books.*
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