Should I let a friendship fade? Or should I reach out to this person? Friend A
Nearing the end of last year, I saw a few people share how they're culling their twitter feeds, or cutting loose former friends they've lost contact with. It's also been the second year where London has faced serious COVID-19 restrictions, and only recently have rules been lifted where we're not required to wear masks everywhere.
Today I saw this poignant article about being ghosted by female friends, and it hit a chord. I'm pretty sure this has happened/is happening to me too.
There's at least one person I know, let's call her Friend A, who I kind of think we're still friends. We certainly used to be, but she goes partying all the time, my instagram feed is full of her latest social outings and destination holidays and while they're lovely I feel like... Is she being safe, why on earth is she partying when people are dying (no judgment, people should take care of themselves) but also why hasn't she asked if I want to meet up for a quick drink?
We used to work together years ago and hang out and for a very very long time I was a poor student that could barely afford £3. I'm also a bit of a hermit and homebody, so my usual response is no thanks when getting an invite to things. The last time I saw her in person was before the pandemic, when we had agreed to go to a concert in Paris with another friend of hers (before the pandemic) and then I looked at my finances and realised there was no way I could afford it so had to back out. We haven't properly caught up since.
But now that I see her meeting up and taking trips and socialising all over the place, and her thanking people for birthday gifts (and I'd forgotten it was this month, but then she's never remembered mine, ever) it makes me wonder if I'm the friend that's been cut out of her life, if we've just naturally gone different paths, or if I'm thinking about this entirely too much.
I'm much more of a 121 kind of person, so if you need a loyal, steady listener whilst you share what's going on with you, I'm your gal. But for years now, I've gone to Friend A's birthdays where she's introduced me to the same people at least twice, and every time I see her she's surrounded by at least 5 people I can never get her alone to rekindle that connection, so I have a drink and make conversation with people I barely know, and then eventually leave as they're in South London and I'm wayyyy north (long commute home).
Part of me thinks I should reach out to her and see if she wants to hang out but then I'm left thinking, she's made no overture to me, so... is there a point? In January I wished her a happy new year and asked how she's doing. I got a very basic reply, like, 'living my best life'.
Am I jealous that she's travelling and having loads of cocktails in faraway settings whilst I work in my upstairs room near a cat scratching post? Yes, absolutely. Would I remember to hang out if my instagram feed wasn't full of her living her best life? I dunno. Do I feel like our friendship has pretty much faded? Yep.
What do you folks think? Keep or cull Friend A?
In the Huffington Post article, it said that by the time you reach 40, you can pretty much count the number of close friends you have on one hand. At this point I can count about two.
Cheers
ELJ
Today I saw this poignant article about being ghosted by female friends, and it hit a chord. I'm pretty sure this has happened/is happening to me too.
There's at least one person I know, let's call her Friend A, who I kind of think we're still friends. We certainly used to be, but she goes partying all the time, my instagram feed is full of her latest social outings and destination holidays and while they're lovely I feel like... Is she being safe, why on earth is she partying when people are dying (no judgment, people should take care of themselves) but also why hasn't she asked if I want to meet up for a quick drink?
We used to work together years ago and hang out and for a very very long time I was a poor student that could barely afford £3. I'm also a bit of a hermit and homebody, so my usual response is no thanks when getting an invite to things. The last time I saw her in person was before the pandemic, when we had agreed to go to a concert in Paris with another friend of hers (before the pandemic) and then I looked at my finances and realised there was no way I could afford it so had to back out. We haven't properly caught up since.
But now that I see her meeting up and taking trips and socialising all over the place, and her thanking people for birthday gifts (and I'd forgotten it was this month, but then she's never remembered mine, ever) it makes me wonder if I'm the friend that's been cut out of her life, if we've just naturally gone different paths, or if I'm thinking about this entirely too much.
I'm much more of a 121 kind of person, so if you need a loyal, steady listener whilst you share what's going on with you, I'm your gal. But for years now, I've gone to Friend A's birthdays where she's introduced me to the same people at least twice, and every time I see her she's surrounded by at least 5 people I can never get her alone to rekindle that connection, so I have a drink and make conversation with people I barely know, and then eventually leave as they're in South London and I'm wayyyy north (long commute home).
Part of me thinks I should reach out to her and see if she wants to hang out but then I'm left thinking, she's made no overture to me, so... is there a point? In January I wished her a happy new year and asked how she's doing. I got a very basic reply, like, 'living my best life'.
Am I jealous that she's travelling and having loads of cocktails in faraway settings whilst I work in my upstairs room near a cat scratching post? Yes, absolutely. Would I remember to hang out if my instagram feed wasn't full of her living her best life? I dunno. Do I feel like our friendship has pretty much faded? Yep.
What do you folks think? Keep or cull Friend A?
In the Huffington Post article, it said that by the time you reach 40, you can pretty much count the number of close friends you have on one hand. At this point I can count about two.
Cheers
ELJ
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