Unequal Yoking, Part 2

Over the past few months I've received a significant number of emails from Christian women who are involved romantically with non-Christian men. The majority are struggling with one of two concerns—whether to stay in the relationship or how to get out of it. Believe me… I know from past personal experience how painfully hard this can be.

For those of you who are wondering about whether to continue the romantic relationship: at some level you already know the answer to your question, which is why you wrote to a Christian blogger in the first place. Likely, what you're really seeking is a strengthened resolve to embrace what you already know is right, which is to get out of it. You are simply one step behind those who have written with the second concern—how to get out.

What, after all, can be gained from staying in it? "He might come to Christ through it," is the answer we tend to latch onto. But Scripture nowhere supports that conclusion. Paul tells us not to be yoked unequally with unbelievers; that is, involved with them in such a way that the bond tends to pull us away from the path of discipleship, or waters down our faith, or inhibits God's glory from being visible in our lives. Conversely, Paul tells us in Ephesians 5:22–33 what sort of qualities in a romantic relationship aid discipleship, strengthen our faith, and show off God's glory. He is speaking specifically of marriage in that passage, but all those qualities—at least, the seeds of them—should be evident to some degree in every romantic Christian relationship. But that's impossible unless both are committed believers. An unbelieving man, no matter how kind and thoughtful, simply does not care about protecting a woman's holiness, or about loving her as Christ loves the church.

What about Paul's words to wives married to unbelievers (1 Corinthians 7)? He told them to remain married in hopes of winning their husbands. But Paul wasn't speaking to girlfriends; he was speaking to wives. It is the bond of marriage that is sacred in God's eyes, whether the couple is Christian or not. We may think we'll change our boyfriend over the long haul, but more often than not, the reverse happens. Women in love so easily become chameleons. It happens without us even being aware of it, one little compromise at a time.

The reason you are struggling with what to do is that, on the one hand, you do want to please God. You know you're in a situation that spells spiritual danger, and you know you need to get serious about it. On the other hand, you're in love. And you don't want to hurt him. On top of that, you are deeply burdened by the fact that ending the relationship will perhaps destroy the seeds of faith in him that haven't yet fully bloomed. So you're stuck.

The great thing is that you're not really stuck. God is so much bigger than you and your situation. Your relationship and falling in love didn't take God by surprise. Your struggle is not beyond the scope of God's sovereignty. And the fact is that remaining in the relationship might actually be hindering your boyfriend's coming to faith. Every time you compromise a spiritual value in his presence, you are, by doing so, telling him that God's Word and all God says can't really be trusted, or just isn't all that important. If you leave your boyfriend and he is hurt in the process, perhaps, for the first time ever, he will cry out for God and really find him, since you are no longer blocking the way. If he turns farther away from God, well, then very likely he was far away to begin with, and any interest he showed in spiritual things was solely a way to have harmony with you.

Maybe someday he will come to faith. And God can always bring you back together at some later time. He may or may not. But one thing is sure: he always blesses obedience.