Reclaiming me

'Me' is continuously changing. Sometimes the changes are incremental and only noticeable in the long run. Sometimes the changes are dramatic and earth shattering. I'm not the same person I was ten years ago. Nor am I the person I will be ten years from now.

I wanted a way to capture me. Who I am now, in this moments. All of what I consider to be me.

To my children I am mom. That me is not the same me that I am to my friends or coworkers. Those me's aren't even the same me I am to myself and in my mind.

I have been a lot of things. Student. Teacher. Author. Artist. Quiet. Loud. Outgoing. Introverted. Worker. Mother. Hiker. Dog owner.

The people who have known me the longest have probably seen the many me's that I have been and yet some parts of me have only been shown to a select few people.

After seven years of motherhood that striped me down to what I could do to keep two tiny, precious souls alive without losing every aspect of myself, I am starting to feel like I have more space and energy to give back to myself and my own interest. Now I am trying to figure out what I mean to myself, the things that are important to me, and who I aspire to be.

Creativity is very important to me.

Nature is essential to my happiness.

I require solitude as well as friends to share conversation and food with.

My children are my heart and soul.

There is energy within me that I need to share through painting, writing, and just being in the same space as the people who enjoy similar things as I do.

I abhor conflict but love a good argument.

There is still so much I want to learn about people, nature, the world, and the unseen.

So how to capture the me of this moment?

I sought out the help of a very talented photographer, Amanda Clark. I've never done boudoir photos before and started with the basic concept of a 1950s pinup look. Then I added a steampunk outfit. After two reschedulings because of kid-related issues, I decided to splurge on a more expensive photo shoot package and added a third nature-theme.

One snowy day in January after getting the kids to school, I arrived at Amanda's studio with an armful of outfits and accessories. I'm not one for wearing much make-up. I find it irritates my skin. I can't stand having it wipe off. So I've never really learned more than a few basic techniques. I was game for whatever Amanda thought would work best with my outfits.

I was really impressed with the care and time she took picking out the right make-up and going through the glamming up process. I never knew how much was involved in making those picture-perfect looks. She even managed to find a look to tame my curly hair without restraining it.

There is something quite wonderful about having someone completely focused on helping you look your best and encouraging you to express yourself without judgement or fear. I felt completely at ease with Amanda. It was an experience getting my body into the positions to accentuate and create scenes.

By the end of the shoot, I was tired. The kind of tired that comes from working hard for something that matters to me. I felt beautiful, sexy, powerful. I carried that feeling with me for the rest of the day.

So here are a few photos. Definitely an experience I'd recommend saving the money for to do at least once in your life. If I can, I'd like to do it again next year to capture the me that I will be at that moment.