Grief can be sneaky, sneaky, sneaky.
Grief can be sneaky.
When I experience a loss. Some grief comes out. Some stays inside.
Over time, the grief that stays inside begins to build up. Soon or later, it leaks out (or spews out).
When I began working as a hospice chaplain – over a dozen years ago now – I noticed that about once a month I began to feel a tightness in my chest. The tightness would last several days.
Then suddenly one morning I would find myself weeping – more like sobbing – in the shower.
After this happened four or five times, I began to get a clue.
My own grief mixed with the grief of others had built up. It had to come out. And it did.
Now, here I am a dozen years later, and guess what?
About every month or two, I get a familiar heaviness in my chest. Within a day or two, I find myself more emotional than usual.
At some point, the built-up grief begins cascading out.
No matter how well self-aware I am, how well I know grief, or how well I am processing my grief, I will never get all the grief out.
I am grieving every day, on some level, about something.
I am surrounded by grieving people every day. Everyone is grieving about something.
And the depth and intensity of the grief in our world is deepening by the day.
I am grateful now for that tightness in my chest. I call it my “grief tell” (the grief is telling me it’s there and needs to come out).
Do you have a “grief tell”?
Are there “signs” or indicators of when your grief is building up and needs to come out?
Of course, the obvious answer to dealing with grief build-up is to “get the grief out” and process it as we go by talking, writing, exercising, etc.
But again, it’s impossible to get ALL the grief out. It builds up in all of us, bit-by-bit.
Grief can indeed be sneaky.
So, when the built-up grief leaks or spews out, don’t be afraid or concerned. Let it come. Feel the grief. Express it. Let it flow out of you.
As a follower of Jesus, I think about how people in the Bible dealt with “grief build-up”.
When grief came, they expressed it. They talked to God about it. They opened their hearts and poured the grief out.
For example, in Psalm 31, King David (1000 BC) says…
Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and body with grief.
In Psalm 35, David says…
I went about mourning as though for my friend or brother. I bowed my head in grief as though weeping for my mother.
When grief came, David expressed it. He poured it out to God.
David knew that, no matter what, he was never alone. He chose to seek God and trust Him, despite what his emotions or circumstances might tell him. He had learned to raise his eyes from the situational grief weeds surrounding him and set his mind on God and the bigger picture.
How do you deal with grief build-up?
I’m grieving with you today. We’re all grieving in many ways. Our world is broken. Life often “falls apart”.
Grieve well, my friend. Let your heart speak. Get it out. Let the grief come.
Question: Do you have a “grief tell”? Does your mind or body let you know when the grief is “building up” inside?
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