Win Some, Lose Some: My Year in Resolutions

Like most people, I have an uncomfortable relationship with goals. Growing up, I watched a high-strung parent work themselves into the ground on almost a daily basis trying to complete a list of chores they’d written for themselves. In their eyes, the list reflected their character, so if they failed the list, they were failing at life. It didn’t create a pleasant atmosphere as the parent became more frustrated at every “real life” interruption of their tasks.

Then, I attended an ACE learning center in high school where students were instructed to write a daily goal for each subject they covered that week. In addition, it was recommended that we daily complete five pages of each of our workbooks covering history, English/literature, science, mathematics, and the Bible. If we didn’t achieve our goals for the day, we took those unfinished pages home. We were given a demerit if we didn’t complete them by the next day. Three demerits lead to after-school detention.

In other words, I grew up believing that there were negative consequences for not completing goals, and I took that idea into my adult life. Eventually, however, it backfired. I decided I didn’t want to be the parent who was always working from a to-do list and simultaneously missing out on family time, self-care, and fun. Instead, it was easier to drift through my days, taking things as they came. But, of course, there was a negative side to that too. Eventually, all those “adult responsibilities” piled up, and I needed to deal with them.

Over time, I learned to shorten my lists to just the basics I knew I could complete. I even spent a year journaling ONLY things I had finished, completely bypassing the to-do list philosophy. Eventually, I realized that while goals are great things to reach for, they aren’t always meant to be, and it is okay to let those goals go.

I had some excellent goals for 2021. Most of them had to do with reading since I am a proud, self-proclaimed book nerd, but I also had plans for my writing career and health. All of these were projects I knew I could complete, and on January 1, 2021, I knew I was in for a great year of accomplishment.

But, sometimes, life doesn’t get the memo.

I ended up not accomplishing many of my goals. I knew I wouldn’t about nine months in. That’s when I had a moment with myself to ask what the adverse effects would be if I did not complete the tasks I’d set in January. What would it look like if I focused all my energy on those specific tasks? What would happen if I chose to let them go?

I’ve experienced bouts of depression and anxiety in the past and am now vigilant against putting my mind in situations that trigger those episodes. So when I set myself that thought experiment, I was looking at how I would be affected emotionally, physically, and mentally. Would I get discouraged and down on myself, leaving my mental and emotional state open to a depressive spiral? Or would pushing toward those specific goals at the cost of everything else in my life lead to an equally unhealthy outcome. I concluded that if I tried to complete every plan I’d set at the beginning of the year but was nowhere near finishing, I’d spiral. So instead, I gave myself permission to do what was best for me at the moment rather than what I thought would be best for me back in January.

This January, my social media feeds were punctuated with posts about a “word for the year.” Looking back, I’d say my word for 2021 was “balance.” I kept some resolutions and let some fall away — all to keep myself steady.

Here are my resolutions for 2021 and how they panned out:

1. Lose at least another thirty pounds.

*Goal completed* I lost fifty. More importantly, though, I learned (am still learning) about making nutrition work for me. The weight loss wasn’t a vanity thing. It was a secondary issue. I was practically immobile at the beginning of 2020 due to extreme joint pain. I changed my diet out of desperation. My sister had some success with Keto, so I gave that a try with some slight variations (I’m a vegetarian, so the “rah-rah meat!” didn’t exactly appeal). It worked in that my joints started feeling better, and I could move more. Since I could move more, I could also lose some more of the weight that was contributing to my pain. I lost 30 lbs. but found Keto hard to maintain. So I took what I learned from 2020 into 2021 and developed a more “me friendly diet.” I started intermittent fasting (using the Fasting Tracker app as my guide) and recorded my caloric, vitamin, and mineral intake (using the My Fitness app).

MyFitnessPal | MyFitnessPal.com

I also finally embraced something I knew for years — that I am a food addict. But knowing that versus knowing what to do about it were two very different things. It helped that I read (twice!) a memoir by fellow food addict/musician Gary Barlow, which so clearly illustrated what food addiction really looks like.

A Better Me: The Sunday Times Number 1 Bestseller

I began to see the destructive patterns and triggers in my own food journey for the first time. That knowledge means more to me than losing a total of 80 lbs. — although, that’s pretty great, too, since I’m in less pain and more mobile.

2. Read at least 150 books.

*Goal not completed* This was the loss I felt the most. I constantly reminded myself that I wasn’t wrong for letting my usual reading goal slip by for a year. In 2020, I’d read 177 books, but I knew that in the upcoming months I had so much I wanted to accomplish, I cut my goal down to 150 for 2021.

Then I fell into the dreaded book hole. Nothing appealed, but I slogged through (and “slogging through” is the only description for the 700+ page book that I’m pretty sure dug that book hole for me — I’m looking at you, The Goldfinch!) and kept reading, though at a much slower pace and less often. Even when I discovered fantastic works by new authors, I’d slump again right after I finished their books. As a result, I also didn’t complete the two other reading goals I’d set for myself:

Participate in four reading challenges (52 Books, Reading Addicts, Nook, and Pop Sugar).Review every book I read

The bright light in the midst of my horrible reading year was discovering a new favorite author, Catherine Brusk. Her debut novel, What Love Washed Up, grabbed me with the first page and refused to let go. Discovering that it was the first in a series was a bonus. Since reading her books, I made contact with Catherine and we’ve developed a friendship. She’s not only a terrific author, she’s an amazing woman, and one of my new beta readers.

What Love Washed Up (Finding Faith Book 1)

3. Writing goals

*Goals completed* This is my big win of the year, and it’s why I’m not too down on myself for my failure to make my reading goals. My writing goals included:

Get copyright for Twists, Turns, and CurvesPublish and release Twists, Turns, and Curves in May

Twists, Turns, & Curves (The Rose Collection Book 2)

Finish rewrites on No Longer InvisibleDo primary edit on ReinventionComplete The Women Who set the PrecedentsGet copyright for The Women Who Set the PrecedentsPublish and release The Women Who Set the Precedents (release date pushed to March 2022)

Added to the list was the release of No Longer Invisible in October. I love this story!

No Longer Invisible (The Rose Collection Book 3)

4. Garden at least three days a week.

*Goal not completed* Yeah, it turned out that gardening in my little community brought my anxiety/agoraphobia roaring back. I had to let that go and satisfy myself with cucumbers from the store. I’m doing much better now.

5. Dance for at least 20 minutes three days a week.

*Goal completed (but adjusted)* Twenty minutes wasn’t nearly enough! However, since I exercise with my sister, I’ve got some built-in encouragement to get moving. We swim all summer long, but we’ve developed workouts that suit us perfectly and are gentle on our joints in the other three seasons. Most days, we exercise for well over an hour together.

6. Make housework a daily habit.

*Goal incomplete* Yeah. It’s never gonna happen.

7. Journal daily.

Goal Incomplete* I had to find my journal before writing this blog post, so that was a big fail.

8. Have devotions daily.

*Goal complete* I did my usual “Read through the Bible in a Year” devotions that were supposed to be in chronological order, but when Job is folded into Genesis, I start the year annoyed. I got over it soon enough and continued on. Fortunately, I was also writing a devotional that required word and context study and allowed me to dig into Scripture. Still, I felt like most of my devotion time was spent skimming the surface instead of diving deep. As a result, I radically changed my devotions for this year. I’m spending the year with Jesus in the Gospels.

Through the Word | Read the Bible. Understand it. Apply it. Make it a Habit.

9. Take a road trip.

Goal complete* This goal went beyond my planned journey as a passenger to putting myself into the driver’s seat. It was a quest that only looked like a Mimi driving to her son’s home 4 hours away to babysit her granddaughter. What was it really? Taking back some of my independence after years of letting myself become infantilized due to unreasoning fear. I even went so far as to fill the car with gas on my return home — a stressor I’ve avoided for years. It turned out it was no big deal. Who would have known? The entire thing may seem silly to those outside of my mind, but for me, I was slaying some dragons.

10. Watch at least 52 movies (and review them).

*Maybe?* The truth is, I didn’t keep track, and I didn’t review. I love movies, though, so I very likely did watch at least 52. For our anniversary, my husband surprised me with a day at the movies and a little movie roulette (when I watch whatever is playing next whenever I arrive at the box office). I approach the theater with excitement, no matter what film is playing. I also stream, rent, and have several DVD wallets full of artistic genius. So yeah, I probably completed this goal.

I accomplished some goals and let others slide, but guess what? My world didn’t implode. Instead, I still grew spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. And more aware of what I can handle gracefully versus what sends me off to the bathroom for a private cry.

I’ve also learned to be more vocal about what I can and cannot handle. Not because I expect others to cater to me — just the opposite — but because I’m working something out for myself. I’m also constantly aware of that line between self-care and selfishness. I never want to demand that others make concessions for my issues, nor do I want to be so self-involved that I neglect my friends and family.

My word for this year? Patience. It’s a scary word, I know, but only because I’ve been warned that praying for patience sets a person up for difficult trials — as if God sees it as a personal challenge to make the petitioner’s life miserable for even daring to ask. But, I will step away from that rather poisonous thinking and have a little more patience with myself. I’m learning and growing, and I’m aware that it will take time for me to become the person I want to be. By that same token, I can be more patient with others as they go through their own journeys.

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