Twin Flames
“Give it a try. What do you have to lose?”
Words of encouragement from her best friend Jackie.
The “it” in reference was getting back into the dating game.
What do I have to lose?
“Guilt, regret, embarrassment…should I go on?” Emily responded.
“I understand, but think of it as practice.”
“Practice for what?”
“Your future.”
“Maybe at some point down the road. But I don’t think now’s the time. And where would I even begin to look?”
“Dating apps.”
“Eww, no.”
“Why not?”
“Who knows what kind of creeps are out there?”
“How is it any different than a bar?”
“True. But not exactly a fan of that, either. But at least at a bar, you see them in person.
“There’s this guy I work with…” Jackie began.
“No.”
“Let me at least tell you about him.”
“You can tell me, but that doesn’t mean I’m interested.”
“Recently divorced. Two kids. Cute, but in a nerdy way.”
“And you think this is my type?”
“It isn’t?”
“Okay. I’m sold.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah. Why not?”
“Really? Wow. That’s great!”
“I’m so proud you!”
“Let’s wait until the smoke clears before you congratulate me.”
“Fair enough.”
“And you can’t get mad at me if I end up changing my mind.”
“You won’t.”
“Promise.”
“Okay. But you won’t. Should I give him your number?”
“Sure.”
“And you will tell him about…?”
“I already have.”
“Great. Now I’m a charity case.”
“He’s really interested. And he’s broken also. His divorce was finalized less than two months ago. His name is Todd.”
Ugh. Todd.
“So two charity cases. What could go wrong?”
“At least you’re in the same boat.”
“The Titanic?”
Two weeks passed and she hadn’t heard from Todd. And honestly, she was totally okay with this. She promised herself not to bring it up – unless Jackie did.
Have you heard from Todd?” Jackie text her out of the blue.
“Nope,” Emily replied back.
A few minutes later, she got another text.
“He said he’ll call tonight.”
Great.
But he didn’t.
Nor, the night after.
“Did he call?” Jackie inquired.
“Nope. But don’t ask him again.”
“Aww, okay. I’m sorry. At least you took a major step.”
“Yeah, sure. A bunch of anxiety for nothing.”
“Baby steps.”
But then two days later, a call from an unknown number.
She rarely picked up numbers she didn’t recognize. She always just assumed it was probably a telemarketer. This time, something compelled her to pick up anyway.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Emily?”
“Yes.”
She knew this was no telemarketer from the complete lack of confidence permeating from the other end. And lack of an accent.
“Yes. This is she.”
“Oh, good. This is, um, Todd. Um, Jackie’s friend.”
“Hi, Todd. I was wondering if you’d call.”
“Sorry. Umm, I wanted to. But…”
“It’s okay. I’m happy you called.”
“Oh, good.”
A long awkward pause.
“I’m sorry. I’m awful at this,” he said.
“I know the feeling.”
“It’s just that…it’s been so long. But for the record, you’re doing fine.”
“Oh, thanks,” she said. “You, too.”
“Honestly, I never liked talking on the phone.”
“Me, neither.”
They already had so much in common.
“I’m so nervous,” he said,
This guy’s worse than me!
Or, maybe just a tie.
She admitted to herself, she found his shy awkwardness extremely endearing, stopping just short of telling him this.
“You don’t sound nervous to me,” she said. “At least, not like how I must sound.”
“You don’t.”
“Really?”
“Anyway, I’m sorry to make you nervous. But I’m glad – anyway, would you like to get a coffee some time?”
“How about dinner?” she countered.
“Even better!”
“No pressure. Just coffee is also fine.”
“None taken.”
Two days later, they had their first date.
And those two days couldn’t go by any slower.
But time has no choice but to pass. And so it did.
Emily got ready way too early, despite feeling like she running behind the entire time. But when it was all said and done, she was ready over a half hour early. To avoid messing up her hair, or wrinkling her clothes she sat on the couch looking out the window like a dog.
He showed up right on time.
So far, so good.
She avoided watching him through the window, so as not jump the gun and appear too overeager. She would wait for the doorbell, at which point she greeted him. He stood there, flowers in hand.
“Emily?” he said.
“That’s me. And you must be Todd?”
“That’s me,” he said, handing her the flowers – a mixed bouquet.
These are for you.
“Aww, thanks!”
She was touched. But also wondering if he was perhaps laying it on too thick?
“You didn’t have to do that.”
“I know I didn’t.
“That is very sweet of you.”
At least he didn’t get her roses. Not on a first date. She wasn’t much of a rose girl anyway. They died too quickly for something that cost that much.
“Can I get you anything? Something to drink?”
“No, thank you. I got some water in the car. We should probably get going if we’re going to make our reservation.”
“Oh, okay, let me just grab my jacket.”
Much like the flowers, the idea of a reservation seemed a bit too much for a first date. Yet at the same time, she was enjoying the long-lost feeling of being pampered.
They headed out. And just like her husband used to do, he opened the car door for her.
They had the most wonderful time. A perfect first date, Perhaps the best first date she ever had, especially after the got through comparing notes on their respective tragedies.
The perfect date ended with a prefect kiss in his car before they said goodnight, promising one another a second date.
When she got settled inside, she noticed a text Jackie had sent hours before: “How’d it go?”
She replied back: “Really well!’
She climbed into bed, still abuzz from her date, overwhelmed with the strange and usual feeling of realizing that perhaps, greener pastures lay ahead.
She suddenly felt conflicted. That perhaps she wasn’t quite ready for something like this.
Yet at the same time, she also realized that ending it might be throwing away another chance at happiness.
By the next day, her mind was made up…she wasn’t ready. She couldn’t help but feel she was somehow cheating on her husband, who by no fault of his own went down with the Trade Center.
She debated calling him, but decided she would wait for him to call first, delaying the inevitable.
Two days later, he called.
“I had such a wonderful time with you the other night…” he began innocuously enough. However, she could tell that there was something about his tone that implied that this was just a preface to something else.
“I did, too,” she said, playing along.
“But, the thing is…”
He sounded distressed.
She could hear him taking a deep breath, before coming right on out with it.
“I just don’t think I’m ready for this sort of thing. I thought I was—”
“It’s okay,” she said, cutting him off, overwhelmed with relief. “I feel the exact same way.”
“Oh, wow,” he said, expressing the same relief.
“Yeah.”
She couldn’t help but wonder if perhaps being on the same page was a sign that perhaps they shouldn’t pull the plug.
She heard him weeping on the other end.
She joined him.
Then she realized she was also crying.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
“Yeah. You?
“Yeah.”
Another long pause.
“Twin flames,” he said.
“Twin flames?”
“Two halves of the same soul that are sort of like mirrors to one another.”
“You mean us?”
“Yeah.”
“Like soul mates?”
“Similar, but different. Soul mates are two souls coming together, but twin flames are often unified by our shared trauma. We both came into one another’s life at a time when we were coping with our mutual grief. But not meant to last beyond. Even if together or just a short period, the bond is always there. No matter what happens in their lives down the road. That is how I feel about you.”
“That is so sad, but cheesy” Emily said. “And yet, so beautiful.”
“Do you know what I’m saying?” he asked.
“I do.”
“Maybe somewhere down the road if we are both single, we can continue where we left off.”
“Deal?”
“Deal.”
“Best of luck to you,” Emily said.
“You, as well.”
“I hope you know that I am pretty sure I am going to regret this.”
“Me, too,” she laughed through her tears.
And that was that.
In the months to come, they would think of one another often.
Both came close to calling the other on numerous occasions, but decided that somethings were best left in the past.
A year later, she ran into him at Kohl’s. Hand in hand with someone who must have entered into this life at the right time.
He seemed happy. But when he looked at her, she could tell that he felt the same sadness she felt.
As twin flames always do.
