Want It!

WANT IT 

January 16, 2021

    “See them in my hand; I won’t forget.” 

Jingi’s eldest child - they are all past childhood now however – stepped out of the shadow to stand beside her mother at the kitchen island, now relying only on the light from its overhead lamp, the glass behind the curtains being still dark. Jingi turned to face her daughter so that she could watch her swallow her anti-anxiety, anti-depressant and multi-vitamins with her coffee. The mug was decorated with the picture of a smiling dolphin and the words “Welcome to Kingston”    

    “Fix up your lunch for you?” her daughter asked. 

    “Mmm, and put a piece of pear....no, put a whole’a pear in my bag.” 

     “A whole one? You can’t finish that!” She raised her palms, “I get it, so that you can have something to share.” 

Within fifteen minutes Jungi was walking through the dark morning towards the transit stop, which was now so close to the shoreline now that during high tide the passengers stood further along the road where the ground was higher. Relocating it would be a sign of defeat for the parish council which had the job to protect more land from erosion, they were trying to put funds together for reclamation. 

Sitting in the transport, she put in her earphones, and listened to her growing playlist of the sounds of the seas. Last night she had remembered - not dreamt as her partner would have insisted she did - but actually remembered a day when the sea water had been cold and a storm had just passed the shore that was half a day swim from their favourite gathering area. Her pod had gleefully travelled behind the last of the strong winds of the tempest and waited until the high waves changed from grey to sparkling green. When it did, they darted for the mangroves, searching out the large fish that had been too far away from deep water when the storm passed through and had sought refuge there. It was an easy meal.      

She stopped gorging with the sound of the rasp of wood tearing against undersea rocks, a disturbing, unnatural event, but one that was no longer unusual. With a follow up wave, there was the ripping and collapsing as carefully secured materials violently separated from each other and that was now mingling with the shouts of humans. Great splashing in the water, groans from the alive and the great vessel. Jinji and her pod kicked away from the mangroves. They had seen this kind of thing before and understood the desperate cries for life. Jinji clicked and expected to hear her companions click and buzz along with her, a sign that they would move to the wreck, but no reply came back. She looked at her pod and one whistle reminded her that it was dangerous for them. Sometimes, heavy, inflamed light materials or posts and beams fell into the water and could fatally injure them, and then there were splintered wood that floated. And worse, the noxious substances like tar and oil and gunpowder and acids that was released into the sea. Jingi slapped her tail and whistled that she would go, and she swum away from them and to the boiling trouble. One person was clutching a piece of wood and using the other arm to laboriously paddle towards the shore. Jinji slipped under the swimmer and after a brief panicked push away, she felt both arms tighten on her, and with smaller movements than she would normally use, Jingi did the transport to the mangroves and wriggled away, back to the scene. Another person was floating, gasping from exhaustion, and she did the same transport. The first person had already gone and another pod member had joined in the transporting. On the shore, people who were living on the land were launching small rowboats. 

The sea around the wreck was now tasting awful. In swimming around, Jingi heard no more cries or breathing, so she dived and hovered in the calm water beneath the surface, watching the slow descent of items and bodies, delicately touched here and there with beams of sunlight that shone effortlessly through the clear water down to a bed of white sand and seagrass. Then she heard a distinct heartbeat and found its owner, looking just like any of the other graceful figures descending. Jingi immediately used her snout to push the body up until it broke the surface, her pod mate joined in, and together, they gently kept the head above water and towed it to the shore. The mangrove would not be a good place to land the person, so they beached themselves, then they kicked and wriggled back into the water. By that time, people had run over and started to attend to the person who they knew was still alive. The last Jingi saw was a hand lifted. It now wanted it, to live. 

 

    When she got off the transport, it was full rush hour, but Jinji was calm because she was at her destination, on time. She prepped herself, and then the orderly completed the fitting. The charge nurse came over and inspected her suit, then searched her face to measure her composure. 

    “Had a good rest last night nurse?” 

    “Yes I did. I did not need to medicate and slept for at least seven hours. I had my breakfast with my medication and coffee. One cup.” 

She held up her right thumb for emphasis. 

The charge nurse looked into her eyes, held her hands lightly for a few moments and then let her go. 

    “We appreciate you nurse; we are here to support.” 

The sensitive care room was as she left it, all beds full, but with who? Her eyes swept the room and checked off its occupants. Two nurses with mechanical assistants tending to patients; every bed space had a bed, and every bed had a patient. Jinji would typically check on the most desperately sick of her charges first, but not today. She walked directly to the bed nearest to the fire alarm, the patient should have been discharged to a less critical care ward, but something was stopping healthy progress. 

    Beside the bed, she waved at the face, which nodded back at her. 

    “Why are you still in here?” Jingi asked. 

     “Yeah? Guess you thought that I died.” 

   The face looked so much like the one she brought to the surface of the water, the one who was not struggling for air, who was sinking, alive, but no will to live, like this one. She had been to that point herself. Her inherited mental conditions had made motherhood and a job and nurturing a relationship overwhelming.  The buffeting of daily life, the money worries, caring for a child with a chronic condition, irritating family quarrels, a broken refrigerator, a broken fingernail, had worn her down and regardless of the large gap she left in the life of her family, she resigned herself to never getting out of bed again. That was when she started to have memories of her life as a dolphin of the Caribbean sea. 

    At first it was basic emotions such as the happy camaraderie of hunting for food with her pod, the pulsing fear of predators, the thrilling joy of swimming fast and then leaping into the air, flipping and splashing into the sea. Then she became aware that she had thoughts, she saw the people who paddled from land to land in boats that sat low in the water, she observed their deadly community fights, and was curious about their hunting habits.  

Then there were those who used boats that sat higher in the water than she could jump, they carried many things on shore and off shore. Sometimes these boats threw animals and humans overboard into the deep, still sea water. She saw more violent conflict and the most amazing sight of a ship that burned until it sank. She and her pod chattered about the shoreline changing from mangroves to a community – a town or city. Quite marvellous. 

    It was time to move on to other patients, but Jingi lingered just long enough to say, “You doing real good, you getting better.” 

    The face turned away from her, as if to a wall, but in the ward, it is not a wall, it is open space all the way to the end of the long room, where there was door that after being opened, it self shut. 

    “You haffi want it,” she said. 

    “Want what?” 

    “Life. Breathe until you can find something to breathe for.” 

Jingi then had another memory. It was of the sinking shipwrecked person who she saved, who reminded her so much of this young patient. Two of them were shuffling to the sea ahead of pursuers. The metal shackles on their ankles would prevent them from swimming. Breathing heavily with fear, they forced themselves through the dense roots of the mangroves looking for somewhere to hide. Jingi dived under and teased a basking crocodile out of their way so that they could be safe, even for a while. They hid there until darkness, and she watched them return to shore, and shuffle, with determination, to find freedom. 

    “Whatever is the problem, if you have life, mi friend, believe you me, you have hope.”  

She moved away to critical care. 

When her back was turned, her patient forced himself to sit up. 

  /ghd