Feminism and the Binary
I am a gender-fluid, non-binary feminist. I’m neither trans-masc (which I find incredibly sexy) or masculine-identified (which I find decidedly not sexy). I’m one of those non-binary people that don’t gender conform. I live outside traditional feminine and masculine. I’m not recognizable, though some would call me cis-passing–if they’re not really paying attention or too conditioned to just see the binary. I’m a lifelong passionate feminist who has always believed that women are equal and that all people deserve safety, equal rights, equal pay and inclusion on every level.
That’s my identity; those are my biases.
I know that white feminism lives on the binary and has an inherent philosophy of privilege (which is why I’m not interested in that feminism). Intersectional feminism is tiptoeing toward inclusion, but so far without facing the fundamental shifts in perception and identity non-binary genders force to the surface. I know this because I am paying attention; I see that acceptance is about more than getting pronouns right. I also know because of how uncomfortable I feel in women-only spaces, how uncomfortable I’ve always felt. It’s very hard to feel a part of a group when everyone is looking at you like you’re just like them; and you know you’re not. It’s hard when there are silences when you express your differences, or the other people (feminist women) change the subject or interrupt. Yes, they definitely let me in the door, but the sense of otherness was painful. I didn’t understand it. I don’t think they understood, either. But when I’d try to express anything about different about my experience of gender, women said, “Straight women are like that, too.” “I’ve felt like that.” “That’s not that different.” It’s part of how women are socialized, particularly white women–welcome and create belonging through sameness. Exclude differences or deny their existence. “You’re gay (in my case pan), but otherwise we’re the same.”
NOT.
Women, and women on the left, have good hearts. They want to be inclusive. So feminist women-only spaces began to welcome trans women, because trans women are women. Trans women are part of the binary. Some spaces are even welcoming non-binary people now, but what they really seem to mean is anyone assigned female at birth who identifies as non-binary. AMAB people are still seen as men. Other spaces don’t want to deal with the contradictions and conflicts so they leave non-binary outside.
Welcome is great. But let’s get real, even for the best-intentioned, welcome is only a beginning. Non-binary identities beg the question of who is protected, who is included, and what does feminism mean in a world in which feminine identities are not one of two possibilities but maybe one of twenty, or two-hundred?
Yes, we’re all equal; everyone on the left agrees. But how we practice equality in our society? How do we understand gender and socialization? The fundamental beginning of the women’s rights movement was the lack of rights–to vote, to own property, to make equal pay, to have control over choices affecting one’s own body. Changing the laws toward more equality is the easiest understood part of our battle, though it is still being fought on very basic levels for all minorities.
However, as feminism evolved, some feminist pundits argued that women were intrinsically less warlike, more nurturing, better at building communities. Others that women could do whatever men could do. The beliefs diverged; but to be clear, the binary ruled all sets of beliefs. It still mostly does. Even in the queer community, there are lesbian-only spaces that define themselves as if the new queer understanding of gender isn’t happening. Younger queer people are less likely to do the lesbian (women)/gay (men) dyad, but that binary still very much exists.
To truly include an understanding beyond the binary, all feminism must fundamentally change. Women need to move from fighting for anyone with a female identity to fighting for anyone oppressed in any way. Me and mine needs to include more and more identities. And if this happens, who is left as the oppressor? Men? Cis men? Straight men? Straight white men? Does a non-binary understanding make feminism meaningless? How do women have a voice for the specific oppression they face, particularly around rape, abortion and childcare?
I think we have to turn to systemic understanding.
The understanding of systemic racism has changed how we view racism. Racism is built into every layer of society, government, laws, relationship. We are all part of a racist system.
In other words, we are all part of the patriarchy. We are all racist, homophobic, transphobic, ableist, sexist, etc. The question is not “Are you?” but “How are you?” and “How much have you grown?”
Non-binary inclusion tears down so many societal constructs in a patriarchy (a hierarchy based on a binary understanding) that chaos and confusion easily ensue. When belonging is dependent on having the same binary identity (woman in feminism) and all the societal understanding of the term, then enter someone with an identity that is “other” but not male, and discomfort and reactivity dramatically increase. This shows up sometimes in a refusal to use correct pronouns, but it permeates all interactions.
The only thing that makes sense is to attack the patriarchy as a system and to simultaneously dismantle our understanding of ourselves and our government, society and systems in general. Belonging can’t be based on sameness; it must be based on full freedom to express any identity. Belonging as we know it begs for a common enemy. If it must, let the system and its internalization be that enemy.
Instead of chaos and confusion, simplicity. Everyone.
I have long believed that men are negatively affected by the patriarchy in their emotional lives and their roles. I don’t equate that with the struggle for survival and safety in a rape culture and racist, homophobic, ableist system with its attacks on minority bodies. White men aren’t murdered for being white. They aren’t raped for being men. They aren’t refused jobs and housing for who they love or denied the right to work because their bodies or minds aren’t typical in ability. They just can’t experience joy and vulnerability and connection as long as they buy into their own privilege.
I have also long believed that the patriarchy will never fall until the financially and powerfully privileged realize the cost of their privilege to their humanity.
My feminism is inclusive. It includes everyone.
Perhaps that’s what non-binary identities and understanding create. Not one oppressed and one oppressor, but a guide to understanding all oppression and all suffering.
If we are to be included, it can’t just be about getting our pronouns right. It has to be about healing the world.
Not changing. Healing.
I wish I could express how hard it is for me to change that one word. I tend toward the revolutionary. But what being non-binary has taught me is that the answer is spiritual. Until we come from compassion, our revolution is just another polemic.
Feminism, I believe, could be this compassion. Feminists could let go of their conditioning long enough to ask the right questions about gender and how the binary holds up the patriarchy they fight.
At least, I hope so. I hope that feminism means equality for everyone.
Otherwise, it’s just another system of privilege.
