how not to force a hyacinth

1. Start the bulb off in the vase in late January, just as all the correctly forced indoor hyacinths are finishing.

2. Keep it in a semi-dark rather than dark place.

3. Leave it there much longer than you should, and realise your error only when you see that all the other hyacinths started off at the same time have bolted for the square of sunlight and are pale, lanky, tiolated, and have a few, sparse flowers instead of generous clusters.

4. Leave the stunted hyacinth in the semi-dark even when you have taken the others out into the daylight, in the mistaken belief that you can force this flower out of the bulb.

5. Finally realise on March 12 that this is as good as it's going to get. Take it out of the porch, and call it a bonsai bulb. Claim this is the result you were aiming for all along.