Medication and Struggles

Last week I had a first appointment with a new primary care physician. We discussed my mental health issues and she prescribed a new anti-anxiety medication to use in tandem with the Prosac I’m on. Since starting this new medication, I have faced consistent headaches, persistent brain fog, and insomnia. It takes up to two weeks for the medication to be fully active in my system, so I know that this is my body and brain adjusting to this new medication, and I know this is part of the process, but honestly I hate this part of the process. It’s exhausting, even more so than the exhaustion of my depression and anxiety. Or, at least, until they get so bad I can’t even get out of bed.

And that’s why I’m going through this process. The longer I ignore the severity of my mental illness, the harder it gets to manage. I’m still in therapy. I’m still doing what I can to take care of myself, but that has to include even the hardest parts of this process so that I can find the best options. I don’t have to struggle endlessly, at least not as often as I have been. But it is a process to find the best medication to help me, and it will mean facing some really severe days for the chance to get through the worst.

Today is a struggle. I have a headache bordering on a migraine. I’m irritable. I’m extremely tired. But I’m also proud of myself for taking the necessary steps to take care of myself. I know not everyone has that privilege because our healthcare system is pretty much fucked and no one cares about the mentally ill. Hopefully this will help me to learn how to be a better advocate for myself, too.