FLURRIES OF DOUBT

Happy December little icicles.

Is it cold where you are? Is the ground covered in white?
Last weekend we decorated the porch for the Holidays and just as we got the lights up, the snow started to fall. Flurries of large snowflakes whipped through the bare trees, so majestic. Winter is almost here.

This sort of weather always makes me feel like locking myself in my studio to make things - one of the reasons I love living in Michigan again. For some reason though, I’ve been intimidated by my work lately. I've been thinking a lot about the finicky balance of control and trust when making art. For many of us, the image we have in our heads never translates directly onto paper. It'd be better for me to accept this rather than fight it but it’s scary not to know what's on the other end. What makes this all ironic is that I like not knowing where a painting is going…but it still scares the hell out of me. Am I making sense?! Don’t even get me started on leaving the mystery there when working for clients - they want to know what they’re getting. It’s confusing!

Since this has been on my mind, I've been listening close to all the little doubts that pop up when I'm making things and let me tell you, it's a snowstorm of confusion. This month, I’d planned to share those doubts as I’m sure so many of you can relate. But then the snow arrived. The magical season caught me off guard - why would I make a post on something so dark? I started to doubt writing a post about doubt!

I decided to just do an illustration of a snow scene, something light and inconsequential.

But you know what, snow is not light and inconsequential, and neither is art! They are both wondrous and they both put up a fight! So this is me combining the magic of snow and the reality of creative doubt - all bundled up in one gift to you.

Here you have it then, flurries of doubt and how to melt them…

STUCK INSIDE

If I go for a walk in the snow everyday, the hassle of putting boots on is nothing. It's cold but it feels invigorating to be out in the fresh air and anyway, it's just what ya do. But if I stay stuck inside for too long, the thought of going out in the cold becomes a monumental dread. The same is true for art - if I show up and draw something daily, the hassle of putting pen to paper is nothing. But if I avoid it for too long, I become stuck inside my own head which is not a great place to be. I start to feel overwhelmed by the thought of going back into the storm. Staying warm in my procrastination and excuse laden bubble is too tempting. It feels safer to not make anything, at least then I won't make a fool of myself, come up empty, or feel a lack of control.

Consistency and habit dilute the fear of starting anything. Suddenly it doesn't feel like such a big hurdle to show up and make something, or to put your boots on and enjoy the cold.

A REMEDY to get you going again….

Do something little everyday, even a 10 min drawing of your breakfast, a three sentence story, or a little song on your keyboard.

Make art easy - if getting out an easel and paints is daunting, have a notebook you can grab to jot down little drawings.

Make something in secret. Something I love but hardly ever do. There is pressure to perform and I feel it, but the thought of making something no one will see feels freeing.

Make a deadline or a promise to someone. If you have to go to work, you’ll be forced to put your boots on and get on with it. Same is true for art. It’s not always some mystical inspired dreamtime, it’s also a responsibility or a task. Get the paper out and get on with it.

LOOK CLOSELY

It's a wonder to see a snowflake close up isn't it? To examine its intricate patterns, and to think - all of those add up to a snowstorm. When I scrutinize the snowstorm in my head and pinpoint each individual doubt, I'm overwhelmed, but also it helps give me clarity to see all the building blocks of fear. Overall it just feels like chaos, but if I let each little doubt speak up it sounds like…

this won't be general enough…this is too sweet…this isn't very cool, why can't i make cool edgy work? this looks too much like this other artist's work...why am I drawing like this? i should have sketched this out…i should have just gone for it, why did i plan this so much? this would be easier on the ipad…oh how i hate the ipad! is this my style? is this moving my work forward? this looks outdated…who will like this on instagram?

And on and on.
Every question of doubt has an answer that I could probably write a whole post on. Listening to them individually and trying to see where they’re stemming from is helpful. I've always struggled with not being 'cool' but I’m an old soul so there you have it, I love sweet heart-melty things. I've always struggled too, with being boxed in or trapped, and the idea of style is stifling to me.

A REMEDY to calm the storm…

Listen individually to your doubts. They may have to do with image, or money, or worth.

Look back at older work to see how far you’ve come. You’ve worked through doubt enough to at least get you here - reading this - so we know you’ve climbed creative mountains!

Write the doubts down and say them aloud. Often, they sound silly when we face them. Or, tell them to a friend, I’m sure they’d never let you say such awful things about yourself.

Understand that really, your brain is trying to keep you safe. But creativity isn’t safe, it’s always changing and surprising us.

IT’LL PASS

One of the hardest parts of winter is that it seems to last forever. Skies are grey and there isn't an inch of green anywhere to be seen. It feels as if Spring will never come. This can be true of creative practices too. It feels like a project will never end, or that it’s impossible to pivot to something new. Worse, sometimes we put so much pressure on an individual piece that we’re sure it’ll be the last piece we ever make. I’m guilty of this - I sometimes feel like I have to fit everything I’ve ever creatively wanted to do in one project and then I psych myself out thinking it’s too precious or important. But nothing lasts forever (both majestic and terrifying!) Spring comes and warm weather follows. A new project comes and we move on and continue to learn and grown and shift. That seemingly important painting starts to feel like a lovely memory (or something you never want to look at again!)

A REMEDY to keep going…

Think quantity over quality. Quality with come with quantity, but it’s best to not let things feel precious.

Consider every thing you make with a long term view, and know that everything will change, even if it feels like things take forever

Don’t take your work so seriously! (Or take it seriously if you’re slacking, I never know who I’m talking to here 😂) But know that while art is important, it doesn’t knock the earth off its axis.

Fall in love with the process, not the end result, it’ll help keep you grounded when things shift.

I did ask my Dessert Club on Patreon what their doubts were regarding making work. It was refreshing to hear different artist’s perspectives - some put energy into starting pieces because they knew that’s where the struggle lay. Others were finding a balance of planning or just diving right in. Either way, we ALL have doubts when showing up creatively. It’s nice to know we’re not alone and that fighting those doubts, or inspecting them up close, it really very worthwhile.

Leave a comment below if doubts ever swirl your mind while working - or perhaps you’ve found ways to dismantle them? I’d love to hear (I read all the comments!)

I also want to give a HUGE thank you to everyone who purchased something in my shop this month! We just about sold out of everything! Your packages are on the way - I apologize if you’re overseas, they make take some time but I’m sending good thoughts into the ether that everything arrives safe and sound!

OK! I’m off to work - I have sketches for an upcoming client project due, some planning for some future books, and more. And we’re decorating our tree today! I’ll post pics on Insta - actually, my vintage Christmas ornament collection is the only thing I really cherish so it’s such a treat getting them out every winter.

OK friends,
Stay warm and cozy and kind!
And don’t let those doubts stand in your way!
xo, Becca

PS - Our porch decorations! My mom helped me - rather, she did almost all of it! She’s so talented. She’s reading this right now too - Mom, quit your secretary job and become the antique queen you really are! Everyone, tell my mom she’s capable! hah

Ok for real! Have a great December everyone!!