It’s a bronzed coffee bean.

Tuesday 29th of October 2019

I don’t know how to put this into words, it’s a complicated concept.

There’s something keeping me in place. Place being a singular state of in between, of physically and metaphysically being fixed in place.

Imagine a wire. The left of the wire is the past, the past containing ideas of who I want to be and ideas of possible futures. The right of the wire is the future, what I can be, what I can accomplish.

In between these two points is a push pin. I am underneath this pin. On top of the pin is a bronzed coffee bean.

The bronzed coffee bean is the idea that I am this moment and that this moment is eternal.

This doesn’t sound too bad until I focus and see what the moment is. The moment is me, sat in the same room I’ve sat in all my life. The same house, the same street, so on and so on.

In this moment I am an aspiring writer, not a writer. I am friendless, jobless, strange to everyone who knows me. Unwanted, useless, delusional, a failure.

This moment can never end, it’s trapped in amber.

So, why is this moment a bronzed coffee bean? I don’t know, I’m just a visual person and this is what I see in my head when I think of it.

What I need to do is change the moment, remove the coffee bean and fix the pin to a new moment.

That’s all I got so far.