The Lie

Even after all these years I am still a believer in the penitential system of the Roman Catholic Church.

I do not mean boys on their knees in a dark closet whispering their foul intent to a man in a cassock, dispensing God’s forgiveness, one box over.

I mean what Dorothy Sayers, the great mystery novelist, called "the theory of penance."

In addition to the two requirements for “absolution” ( the church prescribed knowledge of the evil as evil and remorse--sorrow-- for doing the deed or misdeed), it prescribed punishment, originally as a token or symbol of the sinner’s remorse—or contrition, and resolve to clean up his sordid little life.

It was all packed so tightly into a couple of mumbled prayers that I am not sure that either I or any of my chums really got that bit, but it was there anyway. And within the system, it made sense: God is all powerful, all good, desireth not the death of a sinner, etc., but infinitely just and while merciful, no fool.

People who tell lies will lie about not telling lies, even to a priest. But contrition comes from within, Pinocchio, and from the same place springs the desire to amend our life. You must go to the lady whose package you stole from her front porch and ask her forgiveness. You must return the package or pay her for it. That is justice, the greater part of penance.

But more is required. You must bring her flowers and promise to never do this again. You musty oofer to cut her lawn for the next six month for free on a hot Saturday afternoon and she may need you to run errands for her, as she is always out of Coke, and her dog had a bladder condition and needs walking. This is Justice Plus. This is penance. And you must not begrudge her or call her a looney old bat


Do you understand? Of course you do you thieving little worm.

Sorrow is cheap if it buys forgiveness. So it doesn’t, not all by itself. Penance cheerfully endured is God’s seal of approval on the transcaction.

What was clear to me as 10 is still clear. Recently a very simple person told a lie about me. And another person.

Almost no one believed it but she kept telling it, because repetition is the soul of truth to a liar. I believe in Dante, this is called slander. It the form of deceit in which the goal is to do actual harm, which once was a grievous sin because it is a sin against truth, love, and justice.

I do not remember Dante’s punishment for this, but it was grievous and has something to do with old fashioned tongue piercing, not the decorative kind. Here, now, I find myself in God’s role as the offended party, so my prerogatives are theoretically endless. But like a just God or a reasonable priest, I wanted the punishment to fit the crime.

My choice was to free myself and my staff from any obligation to be in the same room with her, no matter how urgent or ambitious the meeting. A woman who loves to talk and be heard talking with no listeners. A tree falling in forest with only a woodpecker to applaud.

The payback seemed approp

It is still too soon to know whether this application of the penitential system will work. If it doesn’t, there is always piercing of snipping, or exorcism, But for the time being this is enough.