NO-GOOD, ROTTEN MONSTERS!

It’s alive! A is for All the Monsters We Can’t Stand is alive!

This monster-themed coloring book for grownups was an absolute blast to create. It’s a story/coloring book with a monster and a Dr. Seuss-y poem for each letter of the alphabet. The shtick is that it’s narrated by two ornery guys that run down a list of monsters that really grind their gears. I wrote the story and poems, and Minnesota-based artist Harold Torres did the illustrations.

The story behind the book is one of beer, inspiration, and 18 months of grueling work.

Back in… 2017? 2018? I don’t remember. Anywho, I was in Albert Lea, MN – a tiny little farm town in southern Minnesota – for a comic con. My table neighbor was an artist. The monsters and superheroes on his table were cool and all, but the guy that drew them was flippin’ great. Harold was an absolute blast to hang out with. Funny as all get out, a laugh that just went right through you and left you giggling like a tipsy dork, just all-around great.

Fast forward. No, scratch that. Rewind even further – farther? I don’t know – to back when my dad was alive. Wayne Burtness was… um… a bit of a grouch about a lot of things. After I wrote my first book, I told him my next book was going to be a book about him called, “A is for All the Things I Can’t Stand.” A grumpy old guy narrating an A to Z book, with a thing that bugged him for each letter.

I never wrote dad that book, but the idea stuck. Okay, NOW we can fast-forward.

It was February 2020. I was working a new job, one that had me traveling around the country.

Remember that?!? Traveling? Ah, those were the days…

So I ended up in Tulsa, OK. I found this weird little punk bar that had phenomenal beers on tap, live and very loud music, and hot dogs. I pulled out my phone and started googling monsters that started with the letter A…

And the book was on its way! I started whipping up little monster poems. All I needed was someone to illustrate it. I have a lot of talented artist friends, but the only person I thought of was Harold. I really liked his art. More importantly, I loved his sense of humor. So I reached out and pitched the project.

I should hit the pause button here and explain the “project.” I asked an artist to make 26 original illustrations FOR NO MONEY. Yup. I’m an asshole. Harold would have been perfectly justified to take those talented fingers, curl them into a fist, and send it straight for my nose. But he didn’t. He said hell yeah.

18 long months later – a year and a half during which the world went absolutely insane – Harold delivered the final monster (Z is for Zombies, if you’re curious). And he didn’t just deliver. He frickin’ nailed it.

I’m super excited about this book. It was a great lockdown project. I got to collaborate with a really fantastic guy. And now we get to share the culmination of that collaboration.

Sharpen those colored pencils. Uncap those markers. Crack the lid on that massive box of crayons…

And enjoy the hell out of A is for All the Monsters We Can’t Stand!

Available on Amazon