A Rotator Cuff Injury

Instant Quiz

Can you correct the error in the sentence below? Scroll to the bottom of today’s post for the answer. 

Usually I’d rather have a vanilla ice-cream cone then a chocolate one.

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In a moment we’re going to talk about a sentence from a  recent New York Times article about rotator cuff injuries. First, though, I hope you’ll indulge me while I tell my own rotator cuff story.

A rotator cuff is an anatomical structure that’s part of your shoulder. Injuries are common – baseball players frequently suffer them, for example.

A while back I had my own rotator cuff injury. Luckily it healed quickly, and I’ve had no more problems with it.

Here’s how it happened. One Saturday morning some neighbors were having a garage sale. I plunked down 50¢ for an ancient carpet sweeper. “Tank” describes it very well: big, heavy, and formidable. Charlie said it looked like something Abbott and Costello would have been selling door-to-door.

It didn’t use electricity, of course. You pushed it around the room , and that’s how I hurt my shoulder. I’ve never seen anything pick up dust and dirt the way that carpet sweeper did.

Alas, it did a number on my right shoulder. When the soreness started to interfere with my ballroom dancing, I made an appointment with a sports doctor. “So,” he said, after looking at my X-ray, “have you been playing baseball?”

“No,” I said – and I told him about the carpet sweeper. “Mm-hmm,” he said, as if he’d had many patients come in with carpet-sweeper injuries.

Now we can talk about writing. Here’s a sentence from a health expert I’ve liked for many years: Jane E. Brody. Her writing is warm and down-to-earth, and she chooses the kinds of health issues many of us have to deal with. Here’s a sentence from a recent article about aging (she’s 80):

With the Covid-19 lockdown preventing my daily swim, I’d already done months of enforced rest and learned to avoid painful movements and am now doing exercises to strengthen the torn muscles in my rotator cuff.

If I’d been her editor, I would  have asked her to revise it. There’s a simple but essential rule that points to a solution: one idea per sentence. When you stuff everything into one sentence, it moves too quickly. The ideas don’t get the attention and emphasis that each one deserves.

Here’s my revision:

With the Covid-19 lockdown preventing my daily swim, I’d already done months of enforced rest. At my doctor’s urging, I learned to avoid painful movements. Recently I’ve been doing exercises to strengthen the torn muscles in my rotator cuff.

It reads better when you break it into three sentences, doesn’t it?

Abbott and Costello

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Instant Quiz ANSWER

Then is usually a time-related word. In this sentence you need than (a comparison word):

Usually I’d rather have a vanilla ice-cream cone than a chocolate one.  CORRECT

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