Stranger in the Mirror
“Imposter Syndrome” is a psychological term used to describe a persistent, deep belief that nothing you do is real, and that you’re at risk of being exposed as a total phony at any moment.
It ain’t fun.
I imagine I’m more susceptible because I work for myself and spend a lot of time alone, so it’s easy to get something in my head and let it build. Also, identity has been a confusing thread throughout my life, which doesn’t help.
Some days it feels like this whole social media thing is a big joke that went way too far, and now it’s my life. The lines between the Tiffany I was, the Jessica I am, and the Jessica I’m creating get blurry. I’m certainly not who I used to be, but I’m definitely not who the Internet thinks I am.
I’ll meet people at events or conventions and my face will hurt from fake smiling so hard because I don’t know what else to do. I get tension headaches, Some days, I wish I was 100 percent Jessica Wilde, but. . . she’s just this “thing” I’ve created. She’s a project. She’s confident, witty, sarcastic, and always beautiful. She’s motivated and never doubts herself. She is a badass bitch.
I, on the other hand, am trying really hard not to eat an oversized cookie right now, and I just want somebody to love me for who I am.
I’ve had women message me on Instagram, and tell me they wish they were Jessica. I can relate; I wish I were her, too.
It ain’t fun.
I imagine I’m more susceptible because I work for myself and spend a lot of time alone, so it’s easy to get something in my head and let it build. Also, identity has been a confusing thread throughout my life, which doesn’t help.
Some days it feels like this whole social media thing is a big joke that went way too far, and now it’s my life. The lines between the Tiffany I was, the Jessica I am, and the Jessica I’m creating get blurry. I’m certainly not who I used to be, but I’m definitely not who the Internet thinks I am.
I’ll meet people at events or conventions and my face will hurt from fake smiling so hard because I don’t know what else to do. I get tension headaches, Some days, I wish I was 100 percent Jessica Wilde, but. . . she’s just this “thing” I’ve created. She’s a project. She’s confident, witty, sarcastic, and always beautiful. She’s motivated and never doubts herself. She is a badass bitch.
I, on the other hand, am trying really hard not to eat an oversized cookie right now, and I just want somebody to love me for who I am.
I’ve had women message me on Instagram, and tell me they wish they were Jessica. I can relate; I wish I were her, too.
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message 1:
by
Rick
(new)
Oct 26, 2021 11:48AM
I have lived as you describe as 'Tiffany' for most of my life. I have always been introverted and shy around people. Lately, I have been more interested in helping others, which has forced me out of my shell. It is still uncomfortable, but I look at how I help others and make me feel. There are no more fake smiles and glad-handing at social functions. Jessica, you are Wonderful always.
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Jessica Wilde is your creation, she is your mirror image but you both share each others traits but not completely. Your creation grew and became alive to escape your cage of poverty but its not without a price. But in the end you still control her just dont lose sight of that.
