Give Yourself Time.

Wednesday 16th of October 2019

Have I ever done anything that wasn’t out of desperation or depression, out of fear of being left behind?

It’s sad to think the answer is no.

Is there anything other than fear?

I was born into fear, I think all my mother has ever felt is fear. Even when I look back at my grandfather’s rage, all I see shining through is fear, fear that he had to disseminate, fear that he had to put into all of us. No wonder I hate him now, and all the people who stood by and let him do it. Doesn’t that mean I hate myself? Didn’t I also stand by and let him do it? Yes.

How do you release fear that’s in your bones? Is it possible? Is there a trick to it, like exposure therapy? Facing what you’re afraid of until you realise it’s nothing but a whimper in the wind. So, what’s my core fear?