Description BelowPAGE01Panel1: A repeat of Page 3 Panel 2...

Description Below

PAGE01

Panel1:  A repeat of Page 3 Panel 2 from mycomic reviewing Tolmachoff farms.  A morerecent rendition of myself stands in front of the panel, warily eyeing the textthat reads ‘But if you’re an adult looking for a good scare, you might need tovisit the more terrifying Fear Farm. (Which I have yet to decide whether I am or am not brave enough toattempt.)’

Panel2:  A similar panel, but the camera hasclosed in on ‘Fear Farm.’  I look at theaudience with concern.

Panel3:  I look uneasily off camera.

ME: I guess…

ME: I gotta now…

PAGE02

Panel1:  I talk with my mother.

CAPTION:  I have never done a true Haunted Houseattraction before.

ME: I’m doing Fear Farm.

MOM: Will you be wearing Depends?

Panel2:  I sit in the back of a car.

CAPTION:  Fear Farm sports FOUR themed houses and afreaky little corn maze.

ME:  Maybe I SHOULD be wearing Depends.

Panel3:  I stand beside my helpful friends,Deb and Paul.

CAPTION:  I maintain that if I’m going to have thepants scared off me, I should at least offer my friends the opportunity towitness it firsthand.  So I was joined bymy buddies, Deb and Paul.

DEB AND PAUL:  SPOOPY!

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Panel1:  I look at the row ofPort-o-Potties.  There is a derangedprisoner standing outside the doors.

ME: It’s nice that they put frighteners right outside the porta potties.

Panel2:  I stand in the clearing.  Someone with a chainsaw stands behindme.  I am shaking.

ME:  As I said, there’s FOUR haunted houseattractions, that are a mix of interior and exterior spaces.  The houses are Nuketown, Sinister Circus,Dead in the Water, and Dead End Slaughterhouse and are all themed accordingly.

ME:  There is also the final attraction is ahaunted corn maze named The Reaping. This one will cost you about ten dollars extra on top of generaladmissions.

ME:  All of it is connected by The Midway space,where you can buy food.  And be chased bypeople wielding chainsaws.

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Panel1:  I sit at my computer.  It is an earlier scene.

CAPTION:  I had to reassure myself an hour beforeattending.

ME: Okay, but can they touch me?

CAPTION:  They cannot.

Panel2:  I address the audience.

ME:  And of course, if it gets to be too much, allyou need to do is tell an actor you need out. They’ll escort you to the nearest exit.

Panel3: I am shaking in line.  Smiling.  But shaking.

CAPTION:  I wasn’t entirely convinced I could manage toget all the way through ONE attraction. Much less FIVE.

ME:  Gonna die, gonna die, gonna die, gonna die.

Panel4:  A line up of me and my friends.  Deb and Paul are fine.  I am not.

CAPTION:  This is what I’ve learned about ourrespective fear responses.

ARROW TO PAUL:  Completely indifferent.

ARROW TO DEB:  Enthusiasm.

ARROW TO ME:  Freeze.

 

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Panel1:  I am in front of the group inNukeTown.

CAPTION:  So, of course.

ME: Why am I in front?

Panel2:  I am in front of the group inSinister Circus.

ME: Why am I STILL in front?

Panel3:  I am in front of the group at Dead inthe Water.

ME: WHY am I STILL in front?

 

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Panel1:  We stand in a dusty living roomset.  You cannot see what we see.  I am trying to drag Deb and Paul away.

CAPTION:  Deb and Paul agreed that ONE scene made themuneasy.

ME: Let’s go let’s go let’s go.

DEB AND PAUL:  NOPE.

Panel2:  We stand in a cornfield.  You still cannot see what we see, but we arereacting strongly to it.

CAPTION:  We ALL agreed which part was the scariest.

PAUL:  Oh, hell no.

Panel3:  The maze.  Paul is leading, and Deb is holding myhand.  I am looking EVERYWHERE.

CAPTION:  The corn maze is actually kind of a palettecleanser after the shock driven houses. Instead of relying on jump scares, they lean into the casual dread ofwondering if something waiting for you in the darkened path.

 

PAGE07

Panel1:  I leave the park shaking.

ME:  Don’t come if you’ve got health issues.  Don’t come if you’re pregnant. And be careful if strobing lights give youseizures (a few houses use it).

ME:  They make you sign a waiver just to protectthemselves from any liability.

Panel2:  I look at three kids leaving in frontof me.  They are unaffected byeverything.

KIDS:  Wish we could have done DEAD IN THE WATERtwice.

KIDS:  They definitely had the best props.

Panel3:  I grimace.  The implication clear that I have just barelysurvived what little kids were easily enjoying.

Panel4:  Blank

CAPTION:     FEARFARM

6801 N 99th Ave, Glendale, AZ85305

Cost: $28-33 (Before Add-Ons)

Mon-Thurs 7pm-10 pm

Fri 7pm-12am

Saturday 6:30pm-12 am

Sunday7pm-12am