New Chapters

 It dawned on me this morning as I was driving to the meeting that would end this chapter of my career, that I haven't murdered anyone in over a week! Truth! I have not taken the time to fantasize or daydream about kicking someone off a cliff, rolling them out of a airplane while we skip lowly over the waters in one of those really nifty sea crafts that can take off or land on water; best thing is that if you time it right you can chop the body up with the propellers. So many things to think about, and here I am just wasting my days studying for exams to become a stock broker when I should be pulling rusted spikes out of someone's skull before I throw them to the hogs out back that I've fictitiously (in my mind only) allowed to starve a full day and night so they'd be ready to dispose of the corpse at least most of the way - - there's always going to be something left over to use as fertilizer in the garden. (I really do need to write this book, it's killing me just hanging out in my brain)

    While driving and thinking about having not murdered anyone, I popped a favorite CD into the player and there it was, Mercy Me singing about letting it all go - - "Gotta Let it Go" and you know, we do. We have to let our lives go in the paths and directions they are supposed to go. I was supposed to teach for a minute, and I did. I would teach, take off a year, teach, relax another year, teach and this time around, the last time around that old merry-go-round of mine, I decided to step off that carousel and make a difference in my own real time life - - I listened to Mercy Me tell me what it was that I needed to do. I needed to LET IT GO.

    Some of the lyrics to the song tell you that you were made for something so much better than what you're doing now. You don't have to assume you're only worth what others say you're worth. You don't have to accept what others think you should accept as part of your plan; God has a better plan!  You just "Gotta Let it Go" and let God have it. That's exactly that I decided to do.  Basically, someone said something about me that wasn't true, and it got blown out of proportion.  God knew there was nothing to it, and so did I.  I let it go, I let God have it, and the other side figured it out for themselves too; there was no "there" there.  It started out ugly, but ended well.  What I have now is time to write, time to think, time to study, time to do what I need to do before I do the rest of my time.  There comes a time when we know things need to end; and they do.

    I may have mentioned it before in another blog, but it deserves to be mentioned again. I have every intention of moving back to Scotland and trying to be a good role model and would-be permanent resident of the Kingdom of Fife.  I have to jump through a few hoops to make that happen, and I can't even get started until after the first of the year (2022) but it will happen, and before it does I'll have taken the series of Securities Industry Essential tests and exams that I need for proper licensures and certificates to perform stock trading either as an individual broker or as part of a group of broker / dealers who work collectively but independently. I want to remain independent if at all possible when I arrive. I may have to be a part of an investment group here in the States for 6 months before making that leap, but it will happen, and it will be so very wonderful when it does. 

    Trust me when I say money isn't everything, peace and security, love, friendship, relationships and of course dogs, are so much more important than money, but and however, money is needed for paying bills and buying tickets to fly away.  As a stock broker I'll earn literally twice as much as I ever did as a teacher; that withstanding, I will also have an opportunity to educate, but it won't be in the discipline of Literature and/or Composition. I'll educate those who want or need to trade options, stocks, bonds, and/or invest in mutual funds. My goal is to become so good at what I do that I can trade for myself of course, but also for my kids, my family friends, etc. I don't want to branch out to work for just anyone until I know what I'm doing and won't put anyone at risk. Risk is a part of investments, sure, but I don't want to be the reason someone lost their entire life's savings. That would devastate me. 

    New beginnings are often difficult, but not for me, not this time. I'm literally waking up in my jammies, staying in my jammies, making coffee, walking the dog and settling into the cushy comfy over stuffed chair to write in my journal at about the time 2nd hour begins at the schools in my city. I sleep right through their announcements, and I never again have to worry about going through the motions rather than actually trying to teach someone something. You just can't understand that statement unless you've tried to do it. This ain't my momma's little red school house. That's for sure.

    Oh, and being off work and at home also gives me the time it will take to murder people - - You know, in my mind! I can murder people every day now just to keep my mind jumping with new and exciting ways to dispose of a would-be body, but it's all fake you know. I hope you know it's FICTION. I don't actually go out and murder anyone (it's still early in the day, you never know).  Interestingly, the last person I murdered was a good friend, and he's doing well in the real world. He knows I killed him off recently in my mind and even in a published blog. He understands that what he did to piss me off absolutely deserved his tumbling demise and that head-long plunge he "accidently" took from atop Arthur's Seat in my beloved city of Edinburgh was all in fun. He knows he survived in real life, and that's all that matters. Who cares if his guts were splattered all over the prickly rock face of the crag? The birds will feast! Fictional birds of course, not real birds.  He knows I would never harm a hair on his sweet face.

    I hope the rest of you have a great and eternally wonderful evening. I'm about to go walk the dog and see if I can find a really good stone to cover up the half a torso I left in the fridge to thaw out before feeding it to the woodland creatures living in the pond nearby. Rocks help with smaller bits you know, they hold them in place while the gators and the turtles take their nibbles.  (FICTION!  Did you read the part about gators in the pond? FICTION!)  She smiles that smile because she knows she can.  All I can say is THANK YOU JESUS, for letting me get the peace I needed and the time I needed to make a better me out of me. 

Arthur's Seat:  Photo Credit: TripSavvy