DOESN’T ANYONE EVER USE THE TOILET?
Early one morning, I was sitting on the “throne” taking care of business and contemplating my day’s activities when an epiphany washed over me. I can only guess, and time will tell, whether this sudden conceptual thought was indeed an epiphany. I’ve only read about epiphanies, you see; I’ve never before experienced such a thing.
Whatever it was, this burst of inspiration caught me off guard. It was, as they say, ‘short and sweet’! The gist of it was… why don’t fictional characters ever have to use the toilet? Just like that… out of nowhere! I’d been thinking about revamping my website and adding some distinctive editorial review excerpts to my book’s product pages. Yes, I was using the toilet at the time. Still, toilet use is such a normal, mundane, and daily event that I can’t imagine any connection for this brilliant flash of insight.
It took a minute for me to reclaim the breath knocked out of me before I ran through a mental list of books and stories I’d read over the years, searching for a scene that included a character having to use the toilet during his or her active scenes. I could recall only one— “Ocean’s Eleven.” Not a perfect example, but there was the scene where the bank robbers were digging the tunnel and one of them had to stop back out of the tunnel and take care of business. The poor fellow had IBS, you understand?
I wondered why so many novels included long, detailed philosophical and/or emotional meanderings, or detailed descriptions of places and things which had nothing to do with the story’s premise or any of the story arcs; yet, there was never a scene interrupted by someone having to go to the toilet! Is this reality? I’m big on verisimilitude in fiction so… is the lack of toilet use an example of the sense of reality necessary to establish a reader’s suspension of disbelief? Simply put… no!
I decided, right then and there, to include a toilet scene for at least one of the principal characters in every future book I write. If you’re a writer, I hope you’ll join me in this effort to establish this detail of authenticity to your writing. If you’re a reader, I hope you will recognize my efforts by including the fact that mine was the first book you’d ever read whereby a lead character has to break up a scene in order to… well, take care of business!
P.S. Prior to posting, I recalled another toilet scene but not the title of the book, or maybe it was a movie. Regardless, the scene entailed a soldier squatting and “making like a wild bear in the woods,” when an enemy soldier appeared. There were no words exchanged as the enemy pointed his rifle at the poor soul and sympathetically waited until the soldier wiped himself before pulling the trigger. Okay, not a toilet scene, but poignant nonetheless; don’t you agree?
