New Release Spotlight — ALLISON’S GAMBIT by C.A. Price
When Allison began to care for her mother with Alzheimer’s, she started to ask some difficult questions. At what point is a life no longer worth living? Would dementia be in her future too?
Worried that her mother’s fate may be her own, Allison comes up with an unusual approach to try and control her own demise: start smoking. After all, she would rather die of cancer or a lung infection than the way her mother did—unable to recognize her own family, to take care of herself, or even speak. The tough part will be getting her family and friends on board with her new perspective.
Full of compassion for both Alzheimer’s victims and those it affects—caregivers, family, and loved ones—Allison’s Gambit brings a taboo topic to the forefront and asks us all—what would we do?
Available October 12, 2021 from Circuit Breaker Books: https://circuitbreakerbooks.com/books/allisons-gambit/.
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Copyright C.A. Price, 2021
Ch. 2Considering I had a front-row seat for my father’s last days, it might seem ironic that I took up smoking. The fact is, my habit has nothing to do with him and everything to do with my mom, Nancy MacPherson. Now they have both passed away, and I smile when I think of my father. The emotions I go through when I think of my mother are complicated. On a good day, I manage a slight smile, but on most days, I just feel relief that she finally died.
Now it is so clear that, despite knowing what my father went through, if I had to choose a death, I would choose his in an instant. He died; my mom suffered. Actually, that’s not exactly true—everybody else around her suffered.
It must come across as callous to those who don’t know what happened, but my mom’s dementia caused a suffering like no other. It made me realize that there are different ways to die. I won’t say I became fixated on death; I just became aware it was going to happen, which I know sounds stupid. We all know we are going to die. It’s just…we don’t think about it. We push it into the recesses of our minds. But somehow I know I’m destined to die like my mom. And I have consciously decided to try and alter that reality. Why die of Alzheimer’s when you can die of something else—anything else?
I have generally learned not to express my uncommon beliefs, so they won’t attract disdain. No one enjoys opening themselves up for criticism and feeling like an emotional punching bag. Reticence seems the wiser option. But I have decided to change that and tell my story despite realizing that many will look at me like I am a pariah. If this diary were a YouTube video, I would likely have far many more thumbs-down than thumbs-up. How do I know this? Because this is not my first foray into asking the world to pass judgment on my feelings.
Though you have probably already learned this lesson, don’t say anything political or controversial on social media. Random people you don’t even know will actually threaten you because you provided tips on how to save water. Water! I wish I were making this up, but I speak from experience.
I’m sure the same surprise hits people after they post their first video on a public site, maybe of their six-year-old daughter at a ballet recital. The social-media affirmation complex doesn’t make
up for the rather surprising number of thumbs-down they receive. It’s enough to make you question yourself. “Maybe she isn’t such a good dancer? Perhaps I should have made her practice more.”
Now that it has been a while since my mom passed away, emerging from my cocoon seems imperative somehow, and there doesn’t seem to be a minute more to lose. I need to reach out to all of those other caregivers who are like me. I realize now that I have not only been grieving; I have been avoiding the well-wishers who often leave me more depressed. But mostly I have been avoiding telling my family and friends about my philosophy.
It is time to tell my story and convince at least my friends that I have something to offer from my experience. I am stronger now emotionally. I’m ready to take on the world, even the strangers who will pleasantly yell at me, “Just shut up and die already.”
About the Author
C.A. Price is a family practice physician in California. The philosophy of Allison’s Gambit was inspired by patients of his who have been caregivers to those with dementia and his continued observation that these family members often end up with tremendous guilt. His work with hospice has taught him that those who change their views about dying seem to live so much better. It is his first novel.
Follow author Chris Price on Instagram at @chrispriceauthor.
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