This House Of Broken Promises

Final Chapter of Drowning In Shallow Water

Image provided by Jessica Dueñas

Addiction is a hell of a disease. And after five weeks in a rehab facility, Jessica Dueñas, the 2019 Kentucky State teacher of the year, found herself back in her home, alone.

Jessica did everything right during her stay in rehab. She listened to the tech’s instructions, connected with other patients in a healthy way, and though she didn’t share much during group sessions, she was attentive.

Read This House Of Broken Promises by Jessica Dueñas

But on that first day home for Jessica, she couldn’t shake those thoughts. First, the triggers started:

“So, it’s just you and me, I thought. Just me and this house of broken dreams. I went to turn the TV on, but nothing happened. I forgot that I had fallen onto it while drunk at some point and broke some cables. I opened my laptop to get online, but there was a picture of my dead boyfriend, handsome and joyful, so I slammed the computer shut. I sat at the table, but the seat felt too hard. I went to the couch, but the seat was covered in dog hair. I moved to another chair, but it felt empty.”

Then came the routine that had defined her addiction for so long:

“I repeated these same thoughts over the next hour as I waited for the delivery. I reawakened my old routine of pretending everything was fine. I called my sister, “Hey! Just letting you know I’m finally home … Yeah, it’s definitely weird … Yeah, I promise I’ll call if anything … Yeah, I’m so sleepy I’m going to go to bed early…” I also sent a few texts to let people know that all was “good” and I was going to “bed” because I was “tired.”

Then the decision:

“It was in my hands and then my mouth. It burned in my throat. I gagged at first because I had forgotten what it was like and had chugged it straight from the bottle like I had been in a desert and hit an oasis.”

If you struggle with addiction or know anyone who does, this story feels painfully familiar. Jessica is nearly a full year sober now and doing amazing. She is thankful every day and has developed new routines to sustain her sobriety.

Read all four chapters of Jessica’s story, plus other stories by writers around the world, on Love & Literature.

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This House Of Broken Promises was originally published in CRY Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.