When things get hard, do you push harder? Here’s what to do instead:

Musings from the yoga mat: Day 3 — Stepping off the struggle bus.Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on UnsplashHow many times have you been told to stay focused on what you want?

You hear over and over that all you need to do is keep your eye on the prize. In the world of manifestation and the law of attraction, you’re told to “keep the end goal in your vision and feel it.”

While there’s truth to that, there’s also a degree of danger in it. Perhaps I missed the memo, but where are the people telling you to be sure you’re living and enjoying your life as well?

Actually, that’s something I already knew. I simply forgot.

You see, I’ve been after a prize of my own for a couple of years now — to the point of complete obsession.

I always said I would never be that person who worked on the weekends. I would always keep my health and my relationships at the top of my priority list.

Now that I’m back on my yoga mat, I’m realizing where things need to shift for me. I haven’t been living the life I always thought I would by having a business working from home. Getting an online business going is much more difficult than people lead you to believe.

In a sea of others attempting the same thing, you get to see the highlight reels of those who have made it.

All the rest of us are over here floundering, keeping our eyes on the prize, and following all the breadcrumb trails of the “experts” who have the next best tactic that WORKS.

All you need is the right strategy.

That may be true; There is no cookie-cutter approach though. What works for one may not work for another.

And the niche thing?

I’m sure there’s some semblance of reality in that… But, in my two years of doing this, I’ve tried a couple of niches, and guess what?

The people who have contacted me for help have had nothing to do with the niche of the moment. They’re the people who feel lost and don’t know what they want. They feel stuck and don’t know why.

Do you want to know the funny thing? That stuckness is what I wanted to design my coaching practice around from the beginning.

I realized that last night on my mat. Profound things happen in my brain when I don’t have my eyes glued to social media. When I let go of searching for someone else’s version of what works, my truth comes out.

I suppose my truth has been there all along, but I was too wrapped up in getting ahead to notice. The exhaustion I’ve been feeling is real.

Chasing doesn’t work.

When everything you do is about trying to get followers, potential clients, money, or even love, of course it’s going to feel like a struggle. These are the wrong reasons to do anything. It’s not the way to live an authentic life.

What if we all decide to focus on feeling good? I feel good on my yoga mat, spending time with my husband, time out in nature, and sitting in the sun. I do feel good here, sitting at my desk. Writing makes me feel good. I suspect there’s been a writer inside me, dying to get out, for years. To write what’s on my heart — not what I think will get me the next client, but what I truly feel, think and believe.

To an extent, most of what I write IS what I feel, think and believe — I’m just so over adding a call to action to everything!

There was a time when I felt this same feeling of overwhelming exhaustion before I re-met my husband.

I was a single mom, working in a job I hated, and all I could focus on was finding love. I was talking to a few men — and making myself available to whoever wanted to show me attention.

I ignored bright red flags on the off chance they would change and become what I needed.

When I realized that none of these men were on the same page as me, I sank deeper and deeper into a jaded perspective.

One day I had had enough.

There wasn’t any particular incident that drove me over the edge. I was just done.

I was sitting on a train headed to Chicago for a dental convention. That alone was agonizing, but at least I could read while I traveled. The book was Planetary Healing. In the first chapter of the book, the author spoke about her relationship with her husband. She said they were true soul mates. The way she described her relationship with him drew me in. I finished the chapter and sat for a while.

I contemplated my life and what I had been allowing.

The relationship that the author described was the type of relationship I was looking for, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I wasn’t going to find that on a dating website, and I certainly wasn’t going to find it in any of the men I was allowing to walk all over me.

I decided at that moment that I was done.

Done searching, done hoping, and done trying. I wasn’t giving up on the idea of love. I was giving up the struggle. Deciding right then and there that I would let love find me, I got off the train and went about my day.

I felt lighter than I had in a long time.

Suddenly, instead of feeling alone in the world, I felt like I had gained new strength. I had a new best friend and protector — in myself.

Fear slipped away, and contentment set in.

Just a few hours later, my phone buzzed. It was a message from my very first love. We were 15 at the time — a lifetime ago. We are married now, and we have the kind of relationship that I read about in that book. That’s the funny thing about manifestation. What you’re looking for does show up eventually. You have to let go of the struggle first though.

So, when you’re feeling like all the searching and trying is becoming an obsession — you’re focusing too hard.

You’ve lost the point of what you’re doing. It’s time to bring your attention back inward. Ask yourself what it is that you want.

Then, hold out for that. Do something that feels good that has everything to do with what’s in your heart.

For me, that’s yoga, writing, and it’s helping people who feel lost — like I used to feel.

What is it for you?

When things get hard, do you push harder? Here’s what to do instead: was originally published in CRY Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.