A List of Fears I Should Probably Keep to Myself

It’s really hard for me to believe that in just under a month I’ll be releasing “Forgotten Monsters“. And while there are so many things I’m excited about with the release, there are a lot of things that get me really nervous. Some days I wake up and think, “Not many people really know about your book. It’s not too late to quietly delete every mention of it…”

So, let’s talk about some of these fears:

The big one is just the fact that people will actually be reading my work (well…ideally). I’ve had people read my stuff before but I’ve never released anything publicly. That in itself is terrifying to me. To share your work with others can you make you feel vulnerable. No, thanks. Don’t need to feel that. But my fears go further. What if these people don’t like my book…like, at all? What if nobody even buys it? Am I delusional for thinking anyone would even want to read this?I am acutely aware of my flaws. I love my book, I really, really do, but I know it’s not perfect. After all, what is? But what if people hate my writing?I’m supposed to market this? I’ve definitely taken a bit of a crash course in book marketing but I’m not going to know what works until I try it out. As someone who loves to plan, that kind of wait-and-see mentality is a struggle for me.I’m haunted by the idea of potential bad reviews. They’re inevitable, I know that, and a few here and there won’t really bother me. I know some people will like my stuff and some people won’t. I’m fine with that. But what if everybody is going to give me 1 or 2 stars? And, similarly, what if I don’t even get any reviews??? It’s urban fantasy, but action scenes are used sparingly. It’s basically a family drama with superpowers sprinkled in. Is that going to turn off people who are really into urban fantasy?Right now it’s family and friends who are going to be picking up my book (if they know what’s good for them!!) but I know they’re not really the target audience. How will I react to their support of me but potential indifference to my story?If people really don’t respond well to this, am I never going to want to write again?

And that just about cracks the surface. I don’t have any answers, really. Fears are gonna creep up. It’s what happens. But I don’t think I’m unique in having these fears, especially so close to the book’s release. It’s the first time I’m doing all this so there are bound to be things that get me nervous.

I’m a perfectionist who doesn’t like doing things unless I am positive I can do them well. But I’m really trying to stop doing that. I want to do more things that scare me. I don’t want to keep holding myself back from doing things that could be really fun and exciting. So, even though people may hate my book or my writing, even though only a handful of people may even read it, and even though none of it may go the way I want it to, I’m really proud to be doing this.

And, let’s be clear, I’m aware that fears can be irrational. I don’t really think everyone is going to hate this. I don’t really think it’s going to be some disaster. But I wanted to talk about my fears because, in some weird way, it helps to minimize them. Writing them all out and reading them back reveals to me that they really are just fears and not reality.

It’s a new and exciting adventure and I’m going to enjoy the ride.