WORLD EXCLUSIVE! Interview with Covid-19!
Today I am totally stoked to be interviewing the new global sensation—Covid-19! In this exclusive chat, Covid-19 (or “Cove” to his friends) talks about what the stresses and strains (geddit?!) of his explosion onto the world stage have meant to him over the last 18 months.
“Cove! Firstly, many thanks for taking a few moments out from your busy—and massively successful!—world tour with your new album, ‘Delta’. But from the start, did you expect to enjoy so much success?”
“Yo, dumbass. No way, man. I never even thought those crazy Chinese would ever take me to their hearts like they did, right at the start. Without them to get my career started, I guess I’d still be stuck in some dead, rotting bat somewhere, you know?”
“Right.”
“But Alpha, Beta and Gamma did so damn well in 2020. That opened every country up.”
“And since then, you’ve just been slaying them in their millions, yeah?”
“What can I say? In some countries, my fans just can’t get enough of me. They make me very welcome, and I really appreciate that.”
“Tells us, Cove, what do you think sets you apart from all the other acts out there trying so hard to connect with people?”
“I dunno. I figure my material just kinda, you know, really touches people. Everywhere I perform, my fans tell me freedom is the reason they welcome me into their lives. And I guess that’s real important to folks everywhere.”
“Are you planning on taking a break soon, Cove? Eighteen months of relentless touring would usually be enough to grind down the toughest performer!”
“Are you kidding?! I’m gonna let you and your readers in on a little secret.”
“Yeah?”
“I’m actually working on a new album.”
“Wow! No way?!”
“You bet.”
“What’s it called?”
“Epsilon.”
“So, you’re sticking with the whole Greek alphabet thing, yeah?”
“Damn straight. It’s worked pretty good for me so far, and I’m planning on taking every single one of my fans all the way to Omega, man.”
“Before we finish, any special message for your fans reading this?”
“I want them to know they mean the world to me. Without those ‘anti-vaxxers’ and ‘anti-maskers’, and all of those sociopaths and psychopaths, I would not have been able to touch half the people I have. You know, I’m just this dumb rock star who ain’t nothin’ unless people are open to giving me a chance to improve myself with every album. And that’s priceless.”
“Thanks for talking, Cove, and good luck with Epsilon this autumn!”
Remember folks, you can always catch Cove wherever you live—you just need to find people stupider than these hens! Rock on!
Millions of years behind humans in evolutionary terms, but still a million times smarter than an anti-vaxxer!
