Ego vs Self

I have to admit, it took me a very long time to comprehend the concept of ego vs self. I was first introduced to the term ego, several decades ago, when I studied Psychology and Sociology at University. Psychology was of particular interest to me because I was intrigued with learning about the human mind and behavior. My formal education oriented me with many 20th century theorists and leaders in this field, including Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung.

Neurologist Sigmund Freud defined personality as three elements: the id, the ego, and the super ego. He claimed that the id is the primitive and instinctive part of the mind that includes sexual and aggressive motivators and hidden memories, the super ego is our moral conscience, and the ego is the realistic element that mediates between the desires of the id and the super ego. The ego develops from the id and ensures that the impulses of the id can be expressed in a manner acceptable in the real world. Freud was recognized as the founder of psychoanalysis.

Psychiatrist Carl Jung theorized that the ego represents the conscious mind, comprising the thoughts, memories, and emotions a person is aware of. He further stated that the ego is largely responsible for feelings of identity. While Jung and Freud started off with similar theories, as they progressed in their research, their theories differed, particularly on their interpretation of the unconscious. Freud believed that the unconscious was the product of repressed thoughts and personal experiences (what we now refer to as mental illness), while Jung believed that unconscious was inherited from the past collective experience of humanity. Jung’s take on the human psyche was inspired by his studies into Eastern philosophy and religion such as Buddhism and Hinduism. He believed that the contents of the unconscious are not restricted to repressed material. Jung was recognized as the founder of analytical psychology.
While my studies in psychology and sociology were very interesting, I didn’t follow any theorists’ views or form any solid beliefs of my own. If anyone asked me what my assumptions were back in those days, I would have defined ego as our negative personality and self as our positive personality. I have to admit, my ego surfaced much more than I would have liked it to, particularly in my earlier adult years. It wouldn’t be until a decade after finishing my education, that I would begin my quest for a deeper understanding of humanity and this very topic. Profound life events occurred in my 30’s that eventually brought me to the path of spirituality, and I began reading books by many spiritual leaders, absorbing their insights as they were revealed to me.

Eckhart Tolle wrote two best-selling books, “The Power of Now” and “A New Earth” Tolle and is recognized in the spiritual community for his spiritual awareness and teachings about the ego. According to Tolle, “your ego is your “I”, and how you distinguish yourself from others”. He advised that the ego creates your identity from your social status; job; possessions; education; appearance; relationships; personal and family history; beliefs; and membership in political, national, racial, and religious groups”. Tolle identifies and recognizes people on two levels: first as having body and psychological makeup including ego, and second as their higher or essential selves, where they are universal consciousness. Tolle quotes that people become their true selves when “the ego starts to collapse. The impersonal process of identifying as the ego starts to fall away. It is revealed that our true self is a deeper sense of Presence or Being that is constant, ever-present, loving, warm, clear-seeing and whole”. He tells his followers to ignore their involuntary thoughts (ego) and focus on the present with being-awareness (self).
Spiritual leader Wayne Dyer advocated that people develop an ego when they “Edge God Out (EGO)”. He defined the ego as being separate from everyone else and that the ego is consumed by what people have, what people do, and what others think of them. Dwyer theorized that ego makes you think that you are something that you are not. Dwyer believed that the higher or inner self is eternal and what a human being is innately born with. As such, Dyer wrote many books incorporating his theories with the goal of how to achieve inner happiness, life purpose, and self-actualization. \

The most insightful and simplistic book that I have read on this topic of ego vs self is “The Untethered Soul”, by best-selling author Michael Singer. The author demonstrates to readers how consciousness is tethered to our ego (thoughts and emotions) and the freedom and liberation that we experience when we let the “noise” as he refers to it, naturally pass and become untethered. He tells us that our true self is not our physical and psychological parts of our being (body, thoughts, emotions, and personality), but rather our true self is an eternal soul and defined as “the conscious being who is aware that you are aware of all these inner and outer things (body, thoughts and emotions)”. He provides practical advice on how we must tune out our constant noise (negative thoughts and feelings) and further declares that the more we live in conscious centeredness, the happier our lives will be.
The research by psychologist, psychiatrists, and spiritual leaders, share a common theme that our ego and self are polar opposites. When our ego surfaces through negative emotions, feelings, thoughts, or behaviors, then it is up to us to consciously ignore or let the ego naturally pass, because the ego is not who we really are. Examples of ego are thoughts that you are more important than everyone else, or that you are better than everyone else. People who possess egos may be overly concerned with impressive job titles, fancy cars, their own opinions, and how they look. Does anybody’s behaviour immediately come to mind when you think of someone with a big ego? The ego is always insecure, comparing, fearful of losing its position, and operates from a place of fear. By contract, the self is always wanting joy, happiness, peace, and operates from a place of love. As I progressed further along my spiritual path, I realized my early lack of awareness into how complex the ego and self are. In their most simplistic definition, the ego is defined as a person’s sense of self-importance and the self is defined as a person’s true eternal being.

Self is also interchangeably referred to as real self, true self, higher self, authentic self, and soul. People who are in tune with their self, are able to realize dimensions within themselves beyond their thoughts, emotions, personality, and psychological make-up. They recognize that we are all connected, and we are all equal. Nobody is better than anyone else. They also recognize that the only constant in life is our authentic, true self, because everything else passes and changes with time. Physical beauty is temporary, as we all age. Material possessions come and go, and do not bring us long term happiness. Nobody else really cares about your job title or the kind of car you drive, unless they, too, are operating from a place of ego and not their true self. The best advice that we can ever give or get, is to be our authentic self and not a fake version of someone else. I don’t know about you, but my definition of real success in life is the ability to let go of our ego, to live in the present and to consciously become our real selves. For then we will live a truly happy and fulfilled life.