The Conundrum
“But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’ Therefore, I will all the more gladly boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may reside in me.” 2 Cor 12: 9
Weakness presents in many forms.
Often, weakness presents itself as strength. Anger, temper tantrums, pity parties, self-indulgence, climbing the corporate ladder at the sacrifice of self or family, and more. The list goes on. The ever-present drumbeat of our culture demands that we strive in a direction…any direction we believe is our path. Fight for it. Struggle for it. Marinate in it. Demand it. Weep over it. Scream for it. Get arrested for it. Even die for it.
But what if we’re fighting for the wrong thing? What if what we’re fighting for is vain and futile and wrong-headed?
Conundrum: a riddle or anything that puzzles. Often the answer is a play on words, as in ‘what is black and white and read all over? A newspaper’.
Today, I am pondering the puzzle of how to discern my weaknesses that masquerade as strengths.
Things just don’t always line up as I expect, and when that happens, I rotate through confusion, discouragement, self-pity, temper tantrums, and finally…resignation. In Christian circles, this is also referred to as ‘surrender’, but includes holding God’s hand.
Today, resignation is the flag I’m waving, and I’m putting the words down in order to vent, I guess. I’m pretty puzzled about many things right now, and a definite weakness of mine is a lack of self-control when I’m disappointed or frustrated. I am fond of putting a ‘why’ to everything that happens, and the conundrum here is that life experiences rarely explain themselves. If I have no point of origination…no way of preventing a future futility with an understanding that helps me sidestep the pothole…it makes me crazy. Is that a weakness? I’m not sure. The older I get, as the cliche goes, the less I know. Even the Bible, my handbook for life, is a conundrum lately. A source of frustration, not peace, and I’m sure this is me, not Him. He’s perfect. He doesn’t even have a reference point for impossibility or personal conundrums. He has no obligation to explain Himself, and I’m not handling it very well.
Not well at all.
Conversely to what I stated above, strength also presents as weakness.
According to scripture, humility is strength. Joy is strength. Righteousness – a manner of conduct that is right (which, culturally, is a sliding proposition…), and obedience result in strength. Taking the position of ‘the least of all’ or ‘being a servant’ is strength. Trusting in God equals strength. Seeking the presence of God equals strength.
As a Christian, I know all this in my head, but acting on it is not so easy today. Boasting about my weaknesses like Paul did in the scripture reference above? This is a promotion well above my pay grade…another upside-down event in God’s world…the last will be first and the first will be last. So a promotion isn’t a promotion, not really. In God’s economy, a promotion is a life event, not a coveted place of honor. The faithful servant-warrior Mother Teresa is walking around with a thousand jewels in her crown right now, and if I were to be airlifted to Heaven at this moment, my crown would be put on hold.
I’m realizing that my faith is more in money than His provision. It’s more in things of this earth than things on a supernatural plain. It’s more in whether my husband is in a good mood and acts the way I want him to than gratitude that God gave me a good man. It’s more in prestige and status than humility and serving. It’s more in whether the circumstances of my life turn out the way I want them to than hearing from God and walking in righteousness.
The things I draw strength from actually rip it away.
Dictionary.com’s definition of the word ‘strength’: the quality or state of being strong; bodily or muscular power, mental power, force, or vigor. Moral power, firmness, or courage. Power by reason of influence, authority, resources, numbers, etc.
Strong’s Concordance translation of the word ‘strength’ used in the Bible: power, mighty work, miracle, might, virtue; by implication – a miracle of might, an abundance of miraculous power; supernatural
So a big piece in my puzzle is this: apart from the presence of God, there is no real strength, only vanity and futility.
Which is what I’m walking in today, and I feel every, stinking, inch of it.
I doubt I’ll ever reach Paul’s proclamation of boasting in his weaknesses, but at least I know enough to fall at God’s feet and trust that He will never leave, never forsake, never ignore or reject. He is a perfect father who loves perfectly. Even me, in all my imperfections. Even you.
His grace is sufficient, but I am flat today. He knows, and He understands. I’ll end on this note: ‘What is black and white and red all over?”
The word of God, covered by the precious blood of the Lamb. Our saving grace.
