On acknowledging anxieties.

Miracle Maddie

One great source of anxiety has originated from being so far away from Maddie Girl. I was so used to just driving down to Florida whenever I wanted, or whenever I was needed. Not being able to do that now is frustrating. That’s a purely selfish complaint because Maddie’s doing really well. Pooping puts her in a great mood and her home care is progressing nicely.

I’m overwhelmed with gratitude and happiness from all the people who not only purchased #MiracleMaddie shirts, but are also proudly posting pictures of themselves in their Maddie Fashion. I hope to show these pictures to Maddie soon and explain to her how she had so many people loving her and rooting for her, that she was never alone.

Thanks to Diane McCallum, Brandi and Justin Varga, Rachel Kelly, Cheryl Ragas, Jamie Burns, Donna Havern Eckhardt, Michele Thogode Dunn, Pamela and Todd Andrews, Tracey Rose, Paul Ragas, and Shelby Genest for supporting #MiracleMaddie !Ireland University of Limerick campus (Aerial Photo: True Media)

Today is the first gray day I’ve had while in Ireland. The weather has been beautiful so far. I walked into town a couple of times for some essentials and just to explore. I was anxious because I couldn’t find a shuttle stop and once I did find it, the shuttle never came. This resulted in frantic phone calls and rescheduling. I nearly broke down over the situation, but if I remember correctly, Montclair State University shuttles weren’t entirely reliable either. And anyway, I don’t think I was really upset about missing the shuttle.

Anixety in Ireland

I’ve been trying to minimize the magnitude of moving to another country by myself for an extended amount of time. I tell people it’s no big deal, it’s easy because everyone speaks English and I’m on a college campus. At my worst, I feel too old for this whole excursion. Feeling old makes me feel different and that makes me feel alone. I’ve always been impatient, but I worry I’m just waiting for quarantine to end and for classes to start. Once that happens, will I actually see anything? Will I actually do anything?

That kind of thinking breeds anxiety and gets me nowhere. My new goal is to acknowledge that anxiety when it appears, but not to expend too much energy on it. This has been easier said than done so far, but it gets easier each day.

Small victories in Ireland

Another way I’ve been battling back against anxiety is celebrating the small victories. I’ve cooked two dinners in the house even though the symbols and numbers have disappeared from the knobs on the oven and the stovetop. I also did laundry and set up my wireless printer. The coolest small victory happened when I went for a pint with two of my housemates, Katie and Allison. They’re awesome. They’re a decade younger than me, but they’re incredibly knowledgeable and self-sufficient. Most importantly, they’re welcoming and patient and so, so kind. And my French housemate let me have some of his mother’s homemade jam, which was delicious!

The local (and apparently quite accomplished) rugby team practices on the pitches across the way from my building. The other morning, while I was strolling around campus, I got to see some of the practice. I witnessed them literally just smashing into each other and one poor guy was knocked from his feet and fly onto the pad beneath him. It’s cool to have loud, raucous Irish gentlemen I can hear from the balcony.

Today I found out the Student Life center has discounted tour tickets for international students. There’s three scheduled for September: the Cliffs of Moher, the Blarney Stone and Cork, and the Ring of Kerry. All my anxiety was for nothing! The university is making it easy for me to see Ireland. I’ll be able to earn my degree and make the most of living in Ireland.

Writing

I was also dealing with anxiety from not hearing from my publisher for months. The other day, I FINALLY heard back from publisher in a group email with all the other authors with works in development. Apparently, it was a widespread problem and the email said the publisher is working on it, but didn’t give any more information beyond that. I’m still going to email tomorrow and just check in.

I worked on the beginning of my newest work, but my attention span is total garbage. I blame this development on my iPhone and social media. Once upon a time, it was so easy for me to daydream and create, but now, I start scrolling through Facebook or Instagram, or start a game of solitaire. I need to start weaning myself off the iPhone and fixing these bad habits. Classes will help: two of my professors are authors I’ve read and loved! I wrote about them extensively in this post.

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