The Masterful Listener
“I hope you go out and let stories happen to you, and that you will work them, water them with your blood and tears and your laughter till they bloom, till you yourself burst into bloom.” ~ Clarissa Pinkola Estes
We are all storytellers. It is part of our human nature to share our stories. We see this in generational stories, in the news, even in technology with Facebook replacing the fireside chat and letters in the mail.
What about the listener? Stories come alive through the telling and the listening. As the listener, the story comes alive in me, colored with my experiences, adapted to the shapes of my ideas and thoughts, inspired by my own challenges.
The listener, or who I dub the Masterful Listener, plays an active role in storytelling. They participate in the story, they are the foil to the storyteller. The storyteller’s stories are amplified through the telling but also through the integration of the story by the “other” be it a listener or reader.
When the story contains strong emotions, can I become the compassionate witness to the storyteller? Can I be the person that holds the energy of the story, unburdening the storyteller, even for a short time, to help heal and renew herself?
Masterful Listeners listen beyond the story into how the emotions underlying the story can give clues to a new possibility. It is not the listener’s role to evaluate the story or judge the storyteller. The Masterful Listener empathizes with the story and approaches the story with appreciation of the texture, the flavor, the grief or joy inherent in the story. It is a reflection of the other’s inner landscape expressed in an ancient way that may be the only access to the deep underpinnings of what drives a human being. The stories we tell are powerful reminders of who we are and how we got to be the way we are, individually and collectively.
The Masterful Listener acknowledges the privilege to share in the most intimate of stories and with that gift comes a responsibility to remain open in the space of pain, grief, joy, fear, confusion and all the muck that makes us human.
Stories are humanity expressed “in color”. Stories not only describe an experience, they evoke a reflection of our own experience as part of a collective human experience. How often have you seen your own stories reflected in a friend’s conversation? I for one will admit to countless times.
Masterful Listeners remain centered in stillness as a person tells his story, fluid in the tsunami of emotions that may rise from the act of telling the story. From that place of calm, in the eye of the storm, the richness of a story becomes clear and as compassionate witness the listener may indeed then be in a position to rejoice, grieve or assist the other.
The Masterful Listener uses intuition and her senses to be present. Judgment lives in the intellect and that is set aside. A Masterful Listener can feel and taste and sense all of the elements of the story yet remain still and non-attached at the same time.
We are each the Chief Storyteller of our lives. As humans our stories are precious to us. They are a way of resolving our existence, of expressing our emotions and of connecting to one another. They help us understand how we fit into our world. They remind us of what we really care about, even if it is buried somewhere in our story.
Love the stories you tell. Love the stories you are told. There is healing in storytelling for both the teller and the listener. By becoming a Masterful Listener you will see yourself reflected in the other and in that reflection you may learn that you can change the endings of your own stories, do re-writes and ultimately, choose intentionally to be the author of the most important story – your own.
Photo by S O C I A L . C U T on Unsplash
