AWTWB — SIMON'S PLAYLIST, PART 2

It sort of feels like it’s been three years since Any Way the Wind Blows came out. (It’s been a month, I think?)

As promised, here is the rest Simon’s annotated playlist. These are the songs I was listening to as I wrote the book, and what I was thinking about as I listened.

The first half of the book was covered here, in Part 1. This post covers the end of the book — which means there are EVEN MORE SPOILERS. If you haven’t read Any Way the Wind Blows, DO NOT READ ANY FARTHER!

Quick caveats and links:

I never worry too much about what the lyrics actually mean when I choose a song. First of all, I usually can’t figure out what they mean! And secondly, I’m very much using these songs to support my own emotional state and help me through the story I’m writing. My apologies to the songwriters, who would probably be dismayed by my interpretations.

I annotated my Wayward Son playlist here. And my first annotated playlists were for Eleanor & Park.

You can listen to all my book playlists on my Spotify profile. You can listen to Simon’s Any Way the Wind Blows playlist here.

“STATION APPROACH”
ELBOW

“Station Approach” was on my Simon playlist for Carry On, for the beginning of the book, when Simon is on the train back to Watford. It’s a song about homesickness and nostalgia, and listening to it again was nostalgic for me, because it reminded me of a younger, simpler-on-the-surface part of Simon’s story.

This time around, I listened to “Station Approach” as I took Simon and Baz back to Watford. For Simon, in this scene, there are a few new layers of nostalgia and longing – he’s removed from all of magic now, the school gate won’t even open for him. But Watford is still the only home he’s ever known.

I wondered if, on the drive down, Simon was thinking through his list of things he doesn’t let himself think about because missing them hurts so much.

“I haven't been myself of late,
I haven't slept for several days.
But coming home I feel like I,
Designed these buildings I walk by.”

When they arrive, Watford is different. It’s changed – because Simon himself changed it! He misses the Mage, even though he knows he shouldn’t. He misses himself – the version of himself who lived here. (The Chosen One! The hero!) And then (this is a real mindfuck), he misses being at Watford with Baz. He’s re-evaluating all of their interactions and seeing them in a new light. 

“You know you drive me up the wall,
I need to see your face that's all.
You little sod, I love your eyes.
Be everything to me tonight…”

He’s wishing he could go back in time. He’s nostalgic for their shared room, their shared life, and he wishes he could have a different shot at it.

“I never know what I want, but I know when I'm low that I,
I need to be in the town where they know what I'm like and don't mind.”

I love the way this song feels like a train approaching its final station. Like, you can hear the song itself getting excited about coming home.

 

“SOMEWHERE ONLY WE KNOW”
KEANE

Oh, man. Being at Watford again cracks Simon right open. He’s back at Watford! He’s back at Watford with Baz! This is their place!

“This was our place. Watford. Ours like no one else’s. Maybe that sounds arrogant, but it’s true. His, because his mother died here. Mine, because it was mine to protect.”

Watford was their place when they were apart, but now they’re together, and Simon wants to consecrate every room with kisses. Every hallway! 

Even the Catacombs feel like their own. They spent so much time alone there, and no one else knows the way.

This song seems to be about someone trying to save a relationship, but I thought of Simon and Baz being a place that belonged to them, and Simon realizing how big and important this relationship is. How much he wants it.

“Oh simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on.
So tell me when, you're gonna let me in.
I'm getting tired, and I need somewhere to begin.”

When the chorus really soars, that’s Simon in the library. Simon in the Catacombs. Simon on the Great Lawn.

“And if you have a minute, why don't we go,
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything,
So why don't we go,
So why don’t we go…”

This could be the end.

This could be the beginning.

“OUT OF THE WOODS”
NICKEL CREEK

This is more of Simon feeling tender at Watford – of Simon allowing himself some tenderness at Watford. 

At the beginning of Carry On, Simon told us how much he hates the Wavering Wood, because he saw Baz there with Agatha. (“Fuck the Wavering Wood.”) But now…

“I wish you out of the woods,
And into a picture with me.
I wish you over the moon.
Come out of the question and be.”

I think this song might not have anything to do with romantic love, as it’s written. It seems to be about talking someone out of a bad place. But I love how intimate it feels — and the way it invites more intimacy. Support. Trust. Acceptance.

After all of their ups and downs at Watford — after everything — Simon is walking the grounds with Baz, hand in hand. They’re talking about their feelings. They’re walking toward the edge of the Wood.

“It's all enchanted and wild.
It's just like my heart said,
It was going to be…”

 

“SOLDIER, POET, KING”
THE OH HELLOS

Still in my Watford feelings, thinking about all the prophecies about Simon and how readily he accepted them. How he still sees himself through the lens of the World of Mages. Maybe Simon is the soldier in this song. And maybe he’s the poet. And maybe he’s the king, too.

“He will tear your city down, oh lei-oh lai-oh Lord.”

  

“LIKE SOLDIERS DO”
BILLY BRAGG

Not sure why Billy Bragg wrote this song about Simon and Baz in 1984. Another prophecy, I guess.  

“Blues eyes fighting the grey eyes, fighting the tears,
Armed to the teeth for a war of words reaching all the years…”

So this is a song about people who are always fighting. It reminded me so much of Simon and Baz at Watford, and Simon and Baz before their break-up — the way they were raised to hate each other and how easy it is for them to fall into their old combativeness when they’re hurt. 

“Our Fathers were all soldiers,
Shall we be soldiers too?
Fighting and falling like soldiers do…”

This song doesn’t really fit in this section of the book, thematically. I put it here because I was already thinking of soldiers after the last song. 

“YOUR FACE”
THE LAKE POETS

(This half of the playlist is so much sappier than the first half!!)

I wrote a lot of scenes where Simon and Baz were alone and talking and trying to get closer to each other. From Simon’s perspective, those interactions feel so difficult. Like he’s straining against a chain he can’t see. Like his ears are full of static.

But there are also these blasts of (unbearable) sweetness.

This song gets at that, for me. The yearning. The sweetness. The unbearable-ness.

“When I see your face,
I feel my heart exploding,
An empty space,
All my contempt and loathing,
Has been replaced…” 

I ended up with a lot of strings on Simon’s playlist. The strings are Baz; they’re Simons’ feelings for Baz. (Baz, the violin solo.) The strings on this song are full of longing and reaching.

“Out here, I try my best to occupy,
My mind with things that I should do.
But in my heart and soul, I recognize,
There's nothing I want more than you.”

 

“MOTHER FALCON”
MARFA

I found that when I was writing these very intimate scenes, I couldn’t listen to music with words. (Which neatly parallels Simon’s inability to process intimacy at the front of his brain.)

This song, for me, is very much Simon trying to stay close to Baz.

You can feel the song yearning (again) and reaching (again) for tenderness. You can feel the tension in it. The way it keeps falling down and then picking itself back up.

It starts with strings and ends with strings, and the strings are always there, grounding the song, and then lifting it up, higher and sweeter.

 

“CELLS, PLANETS”
CHANTICLEER

This is the song I listened to while I wrote all those chapters in the early 60s. It isn’t a very Simon song, but I don’t think Simon feels much like himself in those chapters, at least not a self that he recognizes.

Sometimes when you love someone, when you really love someone, that love breaks your awareness open. You feel like you can maybe contemplate infinity. For just a second.

You see yourself in a cosmic context; it’s very sappy and embarrassing. It makes you feel important but also somehow infinitesimal.  

“Cells, 
Planets,
Same thing…” 

“Is this, is this, is this what people do?”

 

“SHE KEEPS ME WARM”
MARY LAMBERT

Simon Snow has a boyfriend. Ask everybody at Ikea. Ask his grandma.

“I can't change, even if I tried,
Even if I wanted to.
And I can't change, even if I tried
Even if I wanted to.
My love, my love, my love, my love
She keeps me warm…”

 

“I’VE SEEN ALL GOOD PEOPLE”
YES

Back to this Chosen One stuff; Simon Snow still has a job to do.

As he and his friends come together to save the day, I could really feel him rising to the occasion. Simon Snow, lost and confused as he is, is very good at saving the day. 

The lyrics of this song are all over the place, but I could imagine it playing as Simon headed back to Watford and prepared to take on Smith. The song really pushes forward. It marches. And it wins.

This is the song that’s playing when Smith looks at Simon and is jealous of his whole package. Good hair! Scarlet wings!

 

“WE HAVE IT ALL”
PIM STONES

This was my Smith Smith-Richards song. And also my Mage song.

I was thinking a lot about how Simon really wants a destiny, and how he’s very susceptible to anyone who offers him one. Twice now, he’s fallen under the spell of someone who wanted to manipulate him for their own gain.

“The print was so small, I didn't understand,
He cut our thumbs and placed a feather in our hands,
Told us we would see all our dreams and plans unfold…”

This song is very dark.

But, then — the Mage is pretty dark, and so is Smith-Richards. (They both get worse the more you think about them.) In the song, corruption ruins a relationship. That doesn’t happen to Simon and Baz, but there’s always the threat of some dark thing spilling into their relationship.  

I needed a dark song to listen to as Simon flew into the White Chapel. This was it.

“IF I EVER STRAY”
FRANK TURNER

I feel like I should have chosen a more baldly sentimental song for Simon discovering his family and celebrating the way his life is coming together. (Like, maybe something from the Tarzan soundtrack.)

But this was my “This is your happy ending, Simon” song. 

“'Cause love is free and life is cheap,
And as long as I've got me a place to sleep,
Some clothes on my back and some food to eat,
Then I can't ask for anything more!”

This song starts happy and gets happier. It gets louder. It’s jubilant.  

“So come on everybody sing it –
One, two, three, four!”

It’s about having people who love you and finding redemption.

“Come on and join me in the water,
Swim for hope,
Sometimes it's hard to remember…
I couldn't do this on my own.” 

I think at this point in my writing, I was really happy to have Simon back at home, especially after everything that happened in Wayward Son. He’s back in England. Back with Baz. Back on good terms with Penny. Back to feeling like himself…

“If ever I stray from the path I follow,
Take me down to the English Channel,
Throw me in where the water is shallow,
And then drag me on back to shore!”

I just want to type out every lyric, because I can hear Simon shouting them. 

“The path I chose isn't straight and narrow,
It wanders 'round like a drunken fellow,
Some days it's hard for me to follow,
But if you've got my back, I'll go on.

If you've got my back, I'll go on.”

“YELLOW”
COLDPLAY 

After Simon’s happy ending, he gets another ending. Alone with Baz. (Well, alone with Baz and the sword.) Everything is settling on Simon. Inside of him. And he still can’t really manage any of it.

I’ve always felt like “Yellow” was about loving someone in a way you don’t have words for. Simon has spent three books now telling us that he doesn’t have the words for things. (And he’s also filled three books up with words.) (Most of them about Baz.)

In the last scene, Simon kind of surrenders to life. Like, to the fact that it’s going to keep happening. It’s going to keep coming at him.  

And he surrenders to Baz. To loving him. To being loved by him. He’s done fighting it.

“And your skin,
Oh yeah, your skin and bones,
Turn into something beautiful,
Do you know,
For you, I'd bleed myself dry.
For you, I'd bleed myself dry.”

“CARRY ON PHENOMENON”
KISHI BASHI

 Can a book have a song that runs over the closing credits?

 I’d been saving this song for the final book. Kishi Bashi feels special to this trilogy because Baz loves his music. And because I love his music.

I wrote the Simon Snow books while feeling sick and scared (Carry On); finding out what was making me sick (Wayward Son); and then recuperating to the best of my ability (Any Way the Wind Blows.)

Somewhere between Wayward Son and Any Way the Wind Blows, I went to see Kishi Bashi in concert. I was worried about making it through the whole concert. It had a been a while since I’d been out late at night, and I was worried about the standing and the noise. (Sick person concerns!) I did make it through though. I was exhausted, but it was wonderful. 

I think I’ve said in various places that I was really worried something would happen to me before I finished this trilogy. That was probably me taking my bigger worries (about my health and my family) and putting them somewhere a little more manageable. (Though still upsetting!) 

I just felt so relieved when I finished Any Way the Wind Blows. Like, so happy that I’d managed to tell Simon’s story. All of it. As I’d imagined it. I wasn’t going to leave him hanging. I’d made it to the end. 

And then, that wasn’t the end. Life kept happening.

I got to carry on, too.