ANY WAY THE WIND BLOWS — SIMON’S PLAYLIST, PART 1

Music is a really important part of my writing process. I always build playlists for the characters as I’m writing, and I use specific songs to help me stay in the right frame of mind or perspective.

I have more playlists for Any Way the Wind Blows than for any other book — maybe because it’s my longest book, with three different adventures happening at the same time and three different love stories unfolding. I’m not sure I’m going to annotate every AWTWB playlist, but I wanted to share what I was thinking for Baz and Simon.

Simon’s playlist is the longest this time — 27 songs! (I guess I had a lot of Simon feelings…) This is just half of his playlist, and it aligns with the first half of the book. If you haven’t read Any Way the Wind Blows, DO NOT READ ANY FARTHER. This whole post is full of spoilers!

A few more caveats and links:

I never worry too much about what the lyrics actually mean when I choose a song. First of all, I usually can’t figure out what they mean! And secondly, I’m very much using these songs to support my own emotional state and help me through the story I’m writing. My apologies to the songwriters, who would probably be dismayed by my interpretations.

I annotated my Wayward Son playlist here. And my first annotated playlists were for Eleanor & Park.

You can listen to all my book playlists on my Spotify profile. You can listen to Simon’s Any Way the Wind Blows playlist here.

“GOING INVISIBLE 2”
THE MOUNTAIN GOATS

Well, for starters, this song is from the album In League with Dragons…

At the beginning of Any Way the Wind Blows, Simon is ready to finish tearing down his life. He feels like he’s lost almost everything, so he might as well ruin the rest. And then he can start clean. Start fresh. 

Every single lyric of this song screams Simon to me. This part especially reminds me of the way Simon exploded into the World of Mages and was destructive from the very beginning: 

“Reckon the remnants when they land at last,
The shattered aftermath of the blast,
Look for me everywhere the burn marks form,
Trying to find a place to keep warm”

The song is called “Going Invisible,” and that’s what Simon wants. That’s what Simon is planning.

My favorite part of the song is when John Darnielle sings the chorus a bit higher and more emphatically, at the very end:

“I'm gonna burn it all down today, down today, okay,
I'm gonna burn it all down today,
And sweep all the ashes away”

“SOUTH”
HIPPO CAMPUS

If you haven’t read Any Way the Wind Blows, you really should stop reading this post now, because we are headed deep into spoiler territory.

This song always makes me think of Simon. I don’t really know what it’s about, but I think it’s about someone who’s hit bottom. All he’s got left is a “chest hum, a black gun and forty dollars.” That’s Simon’s eight-word bio.

And doesn’t this line evoke the tender mess that is Simon Snow — “Three leagues down, the soft side of where you left my gold rose crown…” Simon is all soft sides and gold rose crowns.

But the part that always puts me in a Simon frame of mind is:

“Streetlights talk the same way my mother told me,
I walk the same way my father told me,
Back straight and chest out, just like a soldier”

I see Simon walking down the street in his new neighborhood after saying good-bye to Penny and leaving a note for Baz — trying to keep his head up, walking with his shoulders square just like a soldier's, because it's the only way he knows how to walk.

“Chest hum, a black gun and forty dollars...” 

“THESE DAYS”
JACKSON BROWNE

This is a grieving song for me. It's about the time after you've lost someone, before you've moved on. In those days when you can't move on. You're just walking with your sadness and grief.

"These days I seem to think a lot,
About the things that I forgot to do for you...
And all the times I had the chance to" 

Simon blames himself fully for losing Baz, and he's so comfortable blaming himself. He's accepted the blame for everything that's happened so far, and it's hard for him to imagine a better way tomorrow.

"Now, if I seem to be afraid,
To live the life that I have made in song,
Well, it's just that I've been losin' for so long...”

This is another walking-down-the-street-feeling-lonely song. When I hear it, I can imagine Simon coming home to his new apartment and eating takeout by himself on the living room floor.

“CAN’T FIND MY WAY HOME”
BLIND FAITH 

Look. I had to spend months with Simon feeling lost and desperate, so I needed a lot of lost and desperate songs. This one, as Simon would say, does what it says on the tin.

“Come down off your throne and leave your body alone,
Somebody must change…”

At the beginning of Any Way the Wind Blows, Simon is ready to finally walk away from it all: being the Chosen One, the World of Mages, even his dragon parts. He’s ready to come down off his throne. He doesn’t feel like it was ever his to begin with. 

 “You are the reason I’ve been waiting all these years…”

He’s only been trying to make it work because he loves Baz so much.

“Well, I’m near the end,
And I just ain't got the time,
And I'm wasted, and I can't find my way home”

I never thought of Simon as suicidal — not that sort of “end” — but I do think he’s ready to leave the world as he knows it. Because he doesn’t fit in. He can’t make it work. He can’t find his way home. Magic isn’t home anymore. 

I often find myself listening to ‘70s rock and folk music when I’m writing Simon. There’s an earthiness to this music that feels right for him. 

“DIDN’T WANT TO HAVE TO DO IT”
CASS ELLIOT AND THE LOVIN’ SPOONFUL

Simon has to break up with Baz. And he doesn’t want to.

I think that Simon has been hoping Baz would get so disgusted and disappointed with him that Baz would be the one to do it.  

This song isn’t quite perfect because the lyrics imply the person singing maybe isn’t as invested as the other person. But Cass Elliot’s voice is so beautiful and haunting. My heart would break every time I heard her sing, “No, I didn't wanna have to be the one to say ‘the end,’ ‘the end,’ ‘the end’…”

“THIS LOVE”
THE MAGIC NUMBERS

You really shouldn’t be reading this playlist if you haven’t read the book…

But if you have read the book, you know that Simon has a change of heart. He realizes that there might be a flaw in his thinking. Maybe he doesn’t have to lose Baz. Maybe he didn’t try hard enough to keep him.

I chose this song because it feels like a change of heart. It starts out slow and quiet and sort of sad. And then this gorgeous violin solo comes in and changes everything. (Baz is the gorgeous violin solo.)

The music builds itself up from there. I imagine Simon building himself up — and allowing himself to consider a new future with Baz. Allowing himself to be vulnerable, to take the risk.

“This love,
This heart,
This is waking up,
This love,
This heart,
This is waking up”

“A CASE OF YOU”
JONI MITCHELL

I played with putting two different versions of the same songs on each of Simon and Baz’s playlists, and then exploring how the song felt differently from each of their perspectives. 

I gave Simon Joni Mitchell’s original version of “A Case of You” because this is my favorite era of music to associate with Simon — and because Mitchell’s “Little Green” has always been a Simon song for me.

At this point in the book, Simon comes to Baz’s door and tries to speak his truth: I love you. I want to try.

Joni’s Mitchell’s bell-clear voice seems just right for Simon’s feelings in this scene. There’s no adornment or disguise. 

For Baz’s scenes, I dwelled on the melancholy and loss in this song. But for Simon – a strong person who loves another strong person, and who desperately wants them to be strong together – I stayed in this feeling: “I could drink a case of you, darling, and still I’d be on my feet.”

“RICHES AND WONDERS”
THE MOUNTAIN GOATS 

Okay, so this is a Mountain Goats song, so I know that there’s a terrible edge to it and a sense of unease, and that it’s probably about a very dysfunctional, unsustainable love affair…

But I’m going to set most of that aside — because the lyrics also capture some really beautiful things about love and especially about being young and in love. When I was listening to it, I’d mentally turn the dysfunction down from 11 to about 3.

I chose this song for the scene when Simon and Baz topple into each other’s arms again – that moment when they give in to how much they love each other and how rare and special it feels.  

“We are strong, we are faithful,
We are guardians of a rare thing” 

And:

“We show great loyalty
To the hard times we've been through” 

I think that lyric is probably about people who are clinging to their trauma and bonding over it, which is certainly part of Simon and Baz’s connection. But it always makes me think of my closest relationships, the ones that have weathered the most trouble. I think of Simon and Baz and the bond they have, the history, the memories… 

“We are filled with riches and wonders,
Our love keeps the things it finds”

 Again, I’m sure these lines are meant to be dark, but they’re so beautiful to me. And so true of good love. The way you realize how much love is worth, how dazzling it is, and how you want to hold onto the good things you find.

 “You felt shelter somewhere in me,
I find great comfort in you.
I keep you safe from harm,
You hold me in your arms”

(Sincerely hope John Darnielle never finds this and sees how severely I’ve twisted his song for my own purposes.)  

“GIANTS”
BEAR HANDS 

This was the peak Simon song for me and one that I often listened to to get into his head. (Looks like I listened to it 70 times while I was writing.)
I love how aggressive it is. Like, this song wakes up and immediately chooses violence.

“Two words!
Rock! Chalk! Shot a Jayhawk!
Never been in jail 'cause I never get caught!”

But what it is it being aggressive about? LOVE.

Even at his lowest, Simon is certain of his love for Baz. (This is a guy who will slaughter a vampire army for you, and then try to break up with you.) He knows that what he feels his real, even if he can’t manage it.

“I've been awake for days in the dusk and the dawn,
And you're loving me whether you want to or not,
But I want you for sure, I am loving you more” 

Throughout the book, Simon struggles to stay present in love. He can hardly tolerate it, physically. At one point, he thinks, “Christ, he makes me feel warmed through. It’s so good, I can hardly stand it. It makes me want to bash my head into a wall, just for the distraction.”

This song is the soundtrack to bashing your head into a wall.

“What! No! No right from the start!
Go sell that shit somewhere farther from the heart,
Running, and running, and running, and stop,
Come on, we both knew this thing would be hard”

I can’t tell instruments apart, so I don’t know what instrument it is – maybe guitar? — but there’s something that comes in right after the singer says, “I am loving you more” every time. It’s this really pretty, spiralling groove. It reminds me of the way Simon fights himself and fights Baz and fights everyone, but then ends up kissing Baz against the back of a convertible or on his aunt’s couch. There’s a part of him that can’t resist tenderness, even though he doesn’t know how to stand it.   

“CHASING PAVEMENTS”
ADELE

I listened to this song while writing Simon’s perspective on the rat hunt. I like that you can hear Adele’s accent as she sings. And I like how emotional she is, even though it’s a very soothing song. This song feels like a turning point. And that rat-hunting date is a turning point. 

“BETWEEN THE WARS”
BILLY BRAGG

Again, I like it when I can hear the singer’s accent. I’m drawn to Billy Bragg songs when I write Simon, because Bragg writes about fighting for the rights of working people and of poor people. Simon genuinely wants to fight for something just. He doesn’t want power and wealth, not really, but he wants a noble cause. Billy Bragg has a very earnest, sometimes strident, way of singing that fits Simon for me. Especially Simon’s thoughts. His inner monologue.

This song is, I think, about regular people trying to get by between the wars in 20th Century Great Britain. It’s about how people really want to work. They want purpose and fair compensation. They want a government that values them apart from waging wars.

“Call up the craftsmen,
Bring me the draftsmen,
Build me a path from cradle to grave,
And I'll give my consent,
To any government,
That does not deny a man a living wage”

Simon is very much between the wars. His whole identity is tied to fighting and having a cause, and he doesn’t really know what to do with himself without the Mage and without magic. Billy Bragg is so plaintive in this song – take care of us, give us a banner, don’t leave us alone.

“Go find the young men never to fight again,
Bring up the banners from the days gone by,
Sweet moderation,
Heart of this nation,
Desert us not, we are
Between the wars”

It just really feels like Simon to me. 

“HELPLESSNESS BLUES”
FLEET FOXES 

That same feeling of wanting to be of service and wanting purpose becomes even more desperate here. More plaintive. More earnest.

This is the song that plays on a loop in Simon’s head. Tell me who I am, tell me why I’m here. Give me something to fight for. Tell me I’m useful, I need to be useful. I need to know that I have worth. 

“What's my name, what's my station?
Oh, just tell me what I should do,
I don't need to be kind to the armies of night,
That would do such injustice to you,
Or bow down and be grateful,
And say, ‘Sure, take all that you see,’
To the men who move only in dimly-lit halls and determine my future for me” 

That’s the Mage. That’s his men. That’s the Coven. The whole World of Mages. Simon wants to be useful, but he’s tired of being used.

I love the way “Helplessness Blues” starts out calm and narrative:

“I was raised up believing I was somehow unique,
Like a snowflake distinct among snowflakes, unique in each way you can see”

And then eventually it breaks into full-throated supplication:

“If I had an orchard,
I'd work 'til I'm raw,
If I had an orchard,
I'd work 'til I'm sore” 

What would Simon work for? What can he still believe in?

Love. Baz. 

“Gold hair in the sunlight, my light in the dawn” 

The part of the song that wrecks me, when I think about Simon, is the very last line. He still aspires to be a hero. To be what he’s supposed to be. 

 “Someday I'll be like the man on the screen...”

“BIKE DREAM”
ROSTAM

For me, this song is about Simon giving in to love and wanting to be good for Baz.

I read an interview with Rostam where he talked about this song, and how it’s about wanting to be two different kinds of people when you’re in a relationship. Even as you’re avoiding intimacy – pulling away, lying, leaving – you’re imagining the version of yourself who is brave enough to stay and have happiness.

“Two boys,
One to kiss your neck,
And one to bring you breakfast,
Get you out of bed when,
You're sore from the night before,
From knocking on my door”

Rostam talks in that interview about how he writes lyrics, and it really resonated with me as storyteller:

“So at once there's a very specific set of associations that I carry, and then I'm trying to communicate something, but it's not specifically one story that I want to tell. I don't need people to hear it only one way. I don't want people to hear it only one way.”