Am I being sensitive?

How can we grief the loss of loved ones? Is there a set of guidelines? Or measurement of the amount of tears you shed? Do you think practically during that situation?

“Am I being sensitive?”

I have lost my loved one recently to death. I couldn’t hold my calm, thousands of memories ran through my head. Her voice rang in my head. I wished the news would be fake. I saw my father lost his calm, while speaking on the phone. I couldn’t hold myself, I had to console my sister and my family. That’s what we grow up and realize, that we are no longer kids. This is adulting. You mourn the loss of your loved ones. You listen people telling you to think practically. That night no one slept in my family. Her face kept flashing in front of my eyes. I kept asking her, “kyun chali gayi?” (why did you leave). Sometimes, there are moments when everything goes haywire. This was one such moment, my aunt left us one fine day. She was always worried about my marriage and now I feel anxious that I couldn’t talk to her for the last time. Now I feel why did we grow up? I couldn’t stop crying that day, nor the other day.

That night, I shared this news with few of my friend and one of them asked me, “were you close?” That question made me realize, people have lost their sensitive. I couldn’t come to terms that I am sharing an emotion with a heartless person. I couldn’t reason my friendship now. That night made me realize if you don’t have to share anything personal with emotionless people. People have lost their sense to grief or have become practical. Some emotions are to be shared with the ones who understand your loss, who make you feel strong during tough times. I have come to terms of being a cocoon, to protect my sensitivity from the cruelty of the world.

“Am I being sensitive?”