Poor Mojo's Almanac(k) Classic issue #458 (published October 29, 2009) "Sometimes contains disappearing humanity."

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Poor Mojo's Almanac(k) Classic issue #458 (published October 29, 2009)

Sometimes contains disappearing humanity.

Giant Squid: Ask the Giant Squid: Pledge Your Allegiance to My Hat by the Giant Squid. . . How, you may wonder, have I come to be so enlightened? It was not by process of long self inspection, nor by having myself butterflyed and damp-roasted on a spit, nor by imbibing ibogaine toddies, nor through esoteric religious (or anti-religious devotions), nor even by way of a brief self-improvement seminar. Rather, Dear Readers, through the fleshy and faithful conduit of my sub-editorial staff, I have experienced the Coming of the Glory of the APE. . . .

Fiction: Les Brers in A Minor by Ray SikesLes Brers was the kind of guy we couldn't help but notice. Not too many kids show up halfway through ninth grade weighing well over two hundred pounds and sporting a full beard and shoulder length hair. When I first saw him in the hallway, I assumed he was a substitute teacher, one of those just-out-of-college hippie types who were sometimes called in to ride herd on us when the real teachers were away, but there was nothing collegiate about Les. He looked more like a mountain man who lived off the land and killed what he ate. . . .

Poetry: This Goddamn Society: Five Poems by Papa Osmubal by Papa OsmubalDon't just sit around.

Put that book down and wash up.

You smell like you have been marinated in beer.

Dammit, Kennett, pursue your dreams.

If you have none, create one.

Dammit, Kennett, you can be a CEO. . . .

Rant: The Philosophy of Furniture by Edgar Allan Poe. . . In the internal decoration, if not in the external architecture of their residences, the English are supreme. The Italians have but little sentiment beyond marbles and colors. In France, meliora probant, deteriora sequuntur—the people are too much a race of gadabouts to study and maintain those household proprieties of which, indeed, they have a delicate appreciation, or at least the elements of a proper sense. The Chinese and most of the eastern races have a warm but inappropriate fancy. The Scotch are poor decorists. The Dutch have merely a vague idea that a curtain is not a cabbage. In Spain they are all curtains—a nation of hangmen. The Russians no [do] not furnish. The Hottentots and Kickapoos are very well in their way. The Yankees alone are preposterous. . . .