Word of the Week #280:
I don’t think I am easily affected by my environment. Even when I am, I can usually regain my composure quite quickly.
Whatever the hell is going on around me, I am usually able to be who I am and do what I want.
Why is that?
Well, for the most part, I tend to live my life in a bubble of my own, doing my own thing, maintaining a thin but clear layer of distinction between the world beyond me and the world within.
It is similar to how the earth’s magnetosphere protects it from solar winds that would otherwise erode its very surface.
How do I do that? Well, I presume it is the usual combination of privilege and escapism, aided by a dash of just sheer selfishness.
However, that is not the topic of our discussion, today. No, instead, we will talk about when things do begin to affect me.
It all began when a new friend of mine—well, I’ve only met this person once, but I am intrigued already—casually asked me in the middle of a random conversation, “So, what does it take to burst your bubble?”
For some reason, that question stayed with me throughout the day, partly because it was a question about myself to which I did not have a real answer, and partly because, well, she caught me when I kinda skipped the question and let me know that she did expect an answer.
So, what does it take to burst my bubble?
Well, the easy answer is that any circumstance extreme enough should affect me, right? If the city I’m living in goes into a complete blackout for something like a week, I would be affected, right?
But, of course, that is too easy an answer.
Also, on the other hand, would I be affected? I spent a whole fortnight in March 2020 with little food, barely enough water, no relief from the heat, no human contact, yada yada yada… Was I affected, though?
I managed to remain in my bubble, which helped me survive that while also creating some of the best art I have created so far.
So, what does it take to burst my bubble? Who can burst my bubble? Has my bubble ever been burst long enough for me to notice?
These are all good questions, right? But they didn’t lead me to an answer.
Somehow, I come back to my earliest question. How do I do that? How do I create a bubble in which I can weather any storm?
I guess it is more than just privilege and escapism, although I am sure that helps. I think the bubble comes from an imperturbable sense of self. When I know who I am and what I want, I can handle anything else.
If that sense of self does get perturbed, if I lose sight of who I am and what I am, I can feel a little lost for a little while.
And then, like the earth if it suddenly lost its magnetism, I too become completely vulnerable to every external hazard.
Luckily, that does not happen very often.
Luckily, there aren’t a lot of things that can make me question myself.
However, every now and then, something—or someone—can slip through this magnetic field of mine and make me wonder, “Wait, who am I?”
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