By The Short Hairs

 We all know those men who, after they are married, become so "whipped" as my kids say, that they just can't seem to stand on their own two feet long enough to make a stand, let alone rule the roost. You do realize that they call a rooster a rooster because he roosts, right? Hens have another role entirely, not one to sneeze at mind you, without both the chicken and the rooster there would be no eggs, and no one would be waking up in time to do the work around the farm. Everything has its worth, and for everything, there is a season - - "turn, turn, turn", and yes, a time and purpose for it as well. 

     Let's talk about it. I'm not saying that a man has to be the breadwinner, no, not at all. Those days are gone. Roles can be reversed, but respect should be present from the beginning to the end, and respect doesn't mean that you get to humiliate someone publicly when they don't do what you think is best or what you wanted. You talk about it, you come to an agreement, you don't force someone (you said you loved) to say things online they don't mean, or to "clean up" and "look respectable" at your whim. He came home late, maybe he was smiling about the great weekend he had and you weren't there so you get butt-hurt? You decide that he should be punished for what, enjoying himself with friends? (Look at me, I'm talking to someone specific again, and all the while trying to make this a public service announcement for everyone.  I'll try to do better.) 

    No marriage (or relationship) is perfect, there is not one union out there that is without problems, I get that, but to me, there has to be something incredibly wrong in a marriage when one or the other of the partners can control their partner by either withholding sex as a punishment or worse, rewarding the same partner using sex. It just exasperated the fool tar out of me when I hear about it being done.  So, knowing that this is happening to a friend of mine who lives far far away, I went online this weekend to see how he was handling his current home and hearth issues.  What I found was how well behaved my good friend was "carefully acting", choosing his words, through his social media; differently than he normally would.  That's all the answer I needed.  I cringed when I saw the recent posts with his new haircut, beard trim, and oh-so "lovely" words he posted about his wife's kid being superior in all ways, I wanted to barf. Sorry, was that too harsh? 

    I just wanted to reach through the screen (again, as he does this every so often) and scream at him, "Hey, you're not really the light of her life you know that, right? In fact, she's using you, she's abusing you, and this only proves it! Get smart, give it up, walk away, and find someone who will stop calling you names when she's upset with you and then who won't force you to say and do things you don't mean so you can get a little somethun-somethun."  Isn't that really just a form of prostitution anyway when a woman (or a man does that?) Believe me, when I say, I'm asking for a friend. I know the answer!  If it happened only once to a man or woman, you'd think they'd be hurt and watch out for it to happen again. If it did happen again, you'd think or hope they'd have enough gumption to take a stand and let their spouse know that they are not to be toyed with, the vows they exchanged (so long ago) may have been old-fashioned, but they were, in fact, a promise - - TO CHERISH...you know, FOREVER, not just when it pleases you to be pleased. Call a spade a spade. 

    This again folks, is why I am not married. I am not married, but you know what else I would never do to the man I was married to if I were married? I wouldn't force him to cut his hair and shave his face if he didn't want to. If he wanted to do so, sure, that's his face, he can do it. But to ask him or worse, tell him he will shave "or else", that's another matter.  To tell him that he's going to say something great about your kid publicly "or else" is entirely unacceptable, and to demand (yes, demand) that you and he are photographed being seen together as said husband/wife, and then posted with pretend smiles on your faces so the world can see just how very very happy you are...that's appalling. That ceased to be a union years and years ago.

    You may as well throw the rings into the fire and be done with it - - no one believes you at this point. Your words and actions of the past two years outshine the one act that notably shows a forced hand - - was it worth it? You said she was cold before, was she better this time around? Fifteen minutes is still just fifteen minutes. Sorry, too harsh? No wonder the courts are full and the pantries empty.

    If she'll post on her private accounts about your performance(s) thinking no one can see it who isn't her friend; do you really think she isn't telling co-workers what she thinks? Do you wonder why they laugh or giggle when you come to the office or the little parties at work?  Did you think she wouldn't try to put herself out there as being the good guy, the white hat, and make it seem as if you don't contribute, you don't hold up your end of the bargain, you gave up long ago, she says, and now she has to carry you until you get another gig or another invitation to do something that you should have been actively seeking on your own this entire time? Wait, did you think she wasn't posting? Maybe that's it. Maybe you thought she was just all smiles; but friend, that's only when the cameras are on, you know that. You may not be from Texas, but this ain't your first rodeo, son, now is it? Where I come from we call that a "wake up moment".  You know, Rooster?

    God is too gracious to me. He has kept me from being ruder than a skunk's butt at a family barbeque a few times. He has held my tongue too often it seems because it would seem that I've gone off and failed another man-friend who just can't seem to put two-and-two together without coming up with sex-on-the-brain syndrome. Fellas, there really (no, I mean really) is more to this life than that; please get that through your big head at least if you don't get it through to the other one. WAKE UP. If she isn't willing to cherish you, follow you, love you, help you, protect you, honor you, and most of all, treasure you beyond anything she could ever imagine (other than maybe yes, her kid) then you are not going to be in a solid situation and you'll be playing ring-around-the-rosy with yourself on this one. She's not concerned if you fall down a few more times either, in fact, she's expecting you to! 

    I can't say women don't get the same treatment, but there just aren't that many women out there that I know personally who would jump through hoops to be sexed up if they just apologized ONE MORE TIME and altered the way they look, feel, talk, walk, post, and/or display their emotions and feelings. Gosh darn, wasn't it a bit easier before the internet? Not so many people knew your business, at least, and there wasn't all this public grandstanding for the world to see so they'd be able to KNOW if you or your beloved were falling in step at home.  I mean, sure, there was "Dear Abby" but most men didn't read it so the friends of the duped soul wouldn't KNOW he was (or in really rare cases she was) being held out to dry, (dry being the operative word) and forced to comply before being allowed back into the bedroom. 

    No thanks. If I am ever to marry again, God please, give me a man. That is all. Just give me a man. He's the one who should be wearing the pants in the family - - or yeah, a kilt would suffice as well.  If he's your man, God, and following you, then I won't have any problem following him. Believe me, God, when or if you ever decided to grace my heart with another precious soul, I won't ever threaten or punish him using my body as a tool or weapon - - I just can't imagine the pain it causes and I also can't imagine the stress and anxiety it would bring to someone who blames themselves for having fallen short "her good graces" when in reality, he is the one with all the grace - - well, most of the time he is.  I know this particular one, and yeah, he's gracious. God makes good ones from time to time, and it's just a pity that so many winches end up holding the short hairs in their grubby little twisted fingers. Sorry, a bit harsh. Sorry, not sorry. 

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