Why Self Obsession Leads to Self Hatred.
Hello, and welcome to my blog. I haven’t written anything on here for awhile now, and the reason for that is that I struggle with my self esteem. It’s not that I hate myself, or even that I think I’m below average. My problem is that when I see other successful bloggers or authors, it makes me want to give up because I don’t feel that I offer the same things they do.
Social Media is a killer, and I say that as somebody who is a regular consumer of it. When I, or you, see people living our dreams online, with seemingly no effort, it kills something inside of us. Why should we write, or create anything when we know that it’s going to take so much effort and time just to fall short of somebody with 50,000 more followers than us?
You want to know why? Because the truth is, most of those people are miserable. Influencers, famous authors, and so forth don’t usually gain as many followers by being vulnerable. Of course, some are able to find a good balance through their social platforms, which is amazing! Yet…usually people follow others on social media because they attract their attention. We see people with beautiful bodies, exceptional talent, so many friends and just think….f*ck it. Why isn’t that me? What’s the point if I can never measure up to what they have?
To become an influencer, there’s some things you need to give up. You lose your privacy, you lose the right to take a photo with a friend without retaking it seven times to hide your double chin. You turn the saturation of your camera way up to hide the imperfections in your painting. You write what people want to hear, not necessarily what you want to say. You smile and wave and compliment people you hate and grin through your tears and never really talk to anybody without a mask that says “this is what you want, and this is what you get.” To become famous, sometimes you have to lose who are you.
I may not feel as talented as Steven King when I write my horror novels, and I might be too inconsistent with my blog to make money…but I realized that I’m bringing something to the world, and it’s real and me…whether that’s what people want to see or not. I don’t want to have to obsess about what people want to read or see, if it’s just not something I’d like to create. So, I think my point is that I would rather be myself and not worry about the flaws of my writing and what people think of my acne and forehead as much as I’d like to focus on creating something that makes me happy. Those who obsess over their image will never be portraying what’s really inside. Because…eventually, they grow to hate what’s inside, because it might not be the image people seem to want to see the most.
Be yourself. Write your twenty volume romance sci-fi novels, take selfies with friends that show off the real moment you’re experiencing, log off the internet and live a little before you let yourself be shaped by the perceived happiness of others. And me? Well…I think I might try writing a little again. Here and there. I’ll see you all soon.
-Faith Larson.
(Author of the horror novel A Soul Made of Cinders. Follow me on Instagram and Twitter @Idiocyreleased.)
